Home Ice.

Chapter Twenty-One.

Avery

I'm very grateful for the life I lead.

Sure, I could do without the narcissistic and selfish mother, dead dead-beat dad, and crazy obsessive stalker - but overall, I'm pleased with the hand I've been dealt.

I don't know if that's strange, considering all of the things that have gone on in my life would easily drive someone off a deep end. But I think I'm so okay with my life because of the people in it. Because of Cam and Casey and Grace and Kennedy, because of Finn. The amount of love I feel on a daily basis makes up for it.

So, if I know all this, if I feel this love - why am I so fucking sad? I clearly don't hate my life, yet living it seems like a chore.

The easy answer is to say that I'm overwhelmed, which would be the understatement of the damn century. Of course I'm overwhelmed.

It's easier to stay in bed all day when it feels like this, but then that just makes me feel worse about myself and just in general. It's a viscous, viscous cycle that I just haven't been able to find the out of yet.

Although he still has his moments where his protectiveness goes a little to close to controlling, Finn has been incredible - which isn't a surprise at this point. He's so aware of my feelings and how I'm doing and he tries so hard to make sure I'm okay. I really don't know what I'd do if I didn't have his love keeping me going.

He doesn't push me to do anything I don't want to, yet he encourages me to do what would be best for me. Which is why right now, we're sitting on the couch watching Grey's Anatomy and eating his mac and cheese.

My legs are on his lap as he uses them as a table, his bowl resting on my shins that are covered by a throw blanket. I can't really help myself from watching him as he does something as mundane as chewing because he's just so pretty when he does literally anything. The way his sharp jaw moves and his dimple shows itself with every motion sends more and more rays of light to the garden in my chest.

I get snapped out of my trance when he points at the TV with his fork, "I like him."

I look over at the show, seeing O'Malley running around like O'Malley does. "George?"

"Yeah," he nods, adorably taking another bite of his dinner. Poor dude. "Wish he'd stop obsessing over Meredith, though. She's not good for him."

My lips roll into my mouth as I lean my arm against the arm rest I'm sitting back on and resting my head on my closed fist. "Are you calling her a bad person?"

"I don't think she's bad," he shakes his head. He's so fucking cute. "Her and George are just very different, she'd destroy him. But he just wants to be loved, so I get why he's latching a bit."

And he acts like he's doing me a favor by watching Grey's. I've seen it all already, babe - I know that we're doing this for you, and that's why I suggest it all the time.

I nod slowly with a small smile but when I don't answer, he furrows his eyebrows as he looks over at me. "What?"

"Nothing," I hum, bringing my hand back to my fork thats in my bowl and taking a bite. He doesn't like that answer, so he gives the bottom of my foot a light little smack.

"What?!" I laugh, purposely taking a big 'ol bite. "You're cute, is all!"

"And don't you forget it," he nods once at me, which makes me grin. The corner of his mouth tugs up when he goes in for another bite.

We fall back into silence as we watch the show and eat our dinner that reminds me of when we were young. I really can't stop watching him, I can't stop falling in love again and again. These nights of pure mundanity are some of my favorite. I've been so utterly infatuated with this man for so many years now, yet these nights make me feel like I'm 18 and just spending time with the guy I have a crush on for the first time.