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chapter 26


I loved you, I loved you again




How do I get over heartbreak?


This is the fourth time I've searched that on the net to find nothing essential. I grip unto my phone in annoyance before throwing it beside me, Taehyung sighs "how many times do I have to remind you? no phone while eating"



"You don't tell me what to do."



And then, silence.



Are we not going to talk about last night? Fuck him, I want answers



"Hey, last night-"


"Quiet."


I guess he doesn't want to


We ate breakfast in silence. Facing each other as the silent sound of our spoon and forks speak for themselves



"Does your head still hurt?" I noticed him lean close to examine my face. For a few minutes I let myself get drowned by my feelings



Without doubt and fear I hold his hand that was touching my cheek, he gets surprised. Even just for a little bit. I close my eyes and made him touch me more



I missed him so much, though I may not admit it, it's the truth



I want to set aside what I felt these past years. Right now, I want to spoil myself, even just for this moment. Just this time, I want to at least feel it again. And I realized it's very addicting



I'm in the middle of convincing myself that it's alright. That I can have him as long as I want to. That I can just worry about all the consequences in the end



I slap his hands away and stood up, I took a deep breath just so I could recover from my dangerous thoughts



"Where are you going?" he whispered when he realized my determination to leave "to my room"



He's not talking about last night, and I remember them, so clearly that I hate him for not clearing things out. I'm pretty sure he just goy carried away by the moment to say those words



I know well enough our personal feelings have nothing to do with this agreement



I don't know why I want an answer



Every single time it's you I think about. You were my dream ever since I was young. You were the love that I waited for so long, you, were the man who made my heart race and broke it into pieces



Time stops me everytime we meet. I thought well enough you were the one God gave to me as my other half. I thought....it was forever with you



I thought, whatever I felt for you back then was right and true. That my love was a blessing and not a torture. I was too young and arrogant to admit



"Will you marry me?"



I wanted to marry you too



I was too bland and heartless to realize my own answer. I just wanted to be in between and not meet it's end. Whatever you saw together with me, I saw them with you as well



I don't think I can ever forget about you. It's so hard letting you go. The more I try to throw them all away the more I fall in love with you



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