Dalnim

33

I have no idea how to end this... it all started with you randomly helping me with a sum and months have passed since. Now we are graduating. You know how proud I am of you? You, who is years younger than me is graduating her AP classes and is the batch' valedictorian? I am really proud of you. Really.

Where do we go from here? You are going to a medical school, like you have always wanted to. And I have no idea what I am going to do after today... You have everything planned out, it makes me feel underorganized. 

Staring at you in this library as you mumble your speech to yourself, I can only wish you happiness. Why are you nervous? We all know you are gonna nail it. If Seiji won't then who will?

I hope you would like that early graduation gift from me. That was the bravest thing I have done till date, putting it in your locker. I wanted to give you some flowers but I am not sure if you are allergic... I hope you like it. 

I know we will never meet again, and chances are high I will not write or sketch anymore. And I can't even tell you to remember me, because quite literally you have no idea who I am. But I can say I will never forget you. My first love, the girl for whom I fell on the first sight, the girl who amazed me everyday with her quirks, the girl who still inspires me to be a better person. I will never forget you. 

I don't know how to stop. 

How to stop writing in this damned notebook. How to stop thinking about you every damn second. How to stop loving you so damn hard.

I don't want it to be a goodbye, Seiji, I really don't. But I don't know what else to call it either.

Seiji traced the ink lovingly, her heart aching with his words. She noticed the blotches on the paper, her heart aching even more at that. She all but threw that notebook and curled into herself, letting tears flow down freely. 

Seiji remembered the red glitter pen with a plastic rose on top. She had found it in her locker a day before her graduation and was infatuated with it. She never actually wrote anything with it because of how much she liked it and how special it felt. 

That pen had a special place in her heart, even though she had no idea from whom it was.

She had not a single idea why she was crying so much for someone whom she didn't even know. She was aching for a stranger, because at some point that stranger was aching for her too. 

What would she have done had she been aware of his existence? Seiji tried thinking what her past self would really have done. The past Seiji would have most likely refused politely. Or would she have accepted it once the boy confessed?

She couldn't think of what her past self would have done but she surely knew what her present self would have done. The present Seiji would have ran up to the boy and kissed him. Because she knew how much the boy loved her, if his musings were anything to go by.

They could have a happily-ever-after, like in those books, or they could crumble apart; she didn't know. But she was sure the high would have been worth the pain. 

Seiji wiped her eyes with her sleeves and looked at where the notebook was sprawled open. Her heart nearly stopped when she noticed the page open. She believed the graduation entry was the last one. Until now.

There were two other sketches of her. Her in her scrubs. In two different angles.

Seiji died from inside.