SENSELESS : Jacob Black

34

In the morning, Alice sends me a text. My hearing aid is ready to be picked up. I know they can't come to drop it off here, so I arrange for us to meet at the line, as we always do. Someone will have to drive me. Preferably Jacob, but preferably anyone else.

The events of last night have me reeling. He loves me. Him, not the imprint. Yet, that doesn't change his horrid deception. Nothing ever will.

Once I'm out of bed, I put on the clothes I came here in and pack my bag. I have accumulated more things as of now, and though my bag was practically empty when I came here, it has much more things in it now. I leave the packed bag inside the room.

Outside, the boys have made breakfast.

Jacob stands up and stares at me, "Alice texted me. It's ready?"

I nod, looking at the other two boys. I cannot bear to say goodbye. It's too painful. I've never had a goodbye before, especially since Cedar has promised he would come back.

"Should we get going now?" I ask.

"Eat something first," Jacob says, and I can finally tell that it's a suggestion, not an order.

I sit down at the table and pile up my food. Quil stares deep into his plate, never looking up at me, while Embry exchanges tense glances between Jacob and me. They eat, but wordlessly. I'm the first to be done even though I'm the last to join. I make my way over to the sink and begin to wash my dishes.

Jacob creeps up behind me. He reaches over my shoulders to put his dish in the sink. His body presses against my back, and I feel warmth all over.

I turn around to look at him, my hands still covered in soap. He looks down at me, his eyes narrowing in.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

"I'm washing dishes," I answer.

He shakes his head, "I meant today. What is your plan?"

I turn back around and rinse the suds off my hands. Then, I walk over towards the door, put my shoes on, and wait for him.

"Are you leaving forever?" Embry asks.

"My stuff is still here," I answer. It's a nonanswer. Either my clothes and documents have been left behind because I'm staying or they simply haven't been taken yet. "I'll be back after we pick up the hearing aid."

Jacob walks into the bedroom I've been using and picks up the full bag of things. He walks to the door and leaves the house, abandoning me inside. I stare at Quil and Embry. Embry is tight-lipped but Quil's jaw is wide open.

Embry raises a hand towards me, from far away, and I walk out the door following after Jacob.

We get in his car, the one I've only ridden in once before, and leave the house without saying goodbye.

"Why'd you bring my bag?" I ask.

He shrugs, "didn't want you to have to come back and get it. They don't want to say goodbye to you more than once."

"What about you?" I ask. "What do you want?"

He moves over and jolts the stick next to his seat and we start to speed up. I might never learn how to drive. I'll have to find a house near my job, which is hard in a rural area. There's no public transportation here, and I'd have to learn how to take it anyway.

"I want you to be happy, at any cost," he answers. He looks at me and then back out the windshield.

What do I want? What will make me happy? He certainly makes me the happiest I've ever been, but also the angriest. Words are quieter than actions, and while his words are perfect, his actions are horrific. They kill me. They destroy me.