Red Flag In Question | Winrina

13 | Still Friends, Not Lovers

| Karina Yu

My first considered crush was someone in my high school years.

I didn't really know the real definition of a crush back then. From what I've seen from Giselle and Minju before, A crush is someone you would gush over because they are pretty, smart, etc.

Did I believe that?

Somehow, yes.

There was a guy back in high school. He was tall and handsome. He doesn't have this very positive vibe around him. He was more of a...serious type of a person.

The girls in my class really liked him.

And I thought I do, too.

I find him attractive, so I thought I like him too.

Everytime my friends ask who my crush is, I would say his name.

His name that rolls off my tongue smoothly.

His name, when mentioned, doesn't make me feel anything.

There's no sort of butterflies in the stomachs or any cliché terms.

But still, the thought of liking someone who has it all, excites me.

I later found out that he did like me too.

And just like that, he became my first boyfriend.

It was good at first. He wasn't really a bad partner. But he was so different, to the point that we only have three to five things in common.

But it was okay for me.

At least, that's what I thought.

We were in a relationship for three months before I started to feel...normal about the relationship.

The thought of him didn't excite me anymore.

And when that happened, the first thing that came to my mind was, 'ah, maybe I don't like him anymore'.

So I decided to break up with him.

He took it well, surprisingly. He said that he noticed my aloofness when it comes to him and thought that it might be the best for us to split up.

My belief in liking someone didn't stop there, unfortunately.

I had several crushes, several ex-boyfriends who I dated for the same reason. Because they excite me.

I dated a jock.

I dated a street racer.

I dated someone who's five years older than me.

Heck, I even dated the weirdest person in class back when I was in fourth year high school.

All of them didn't even last a year.

I don't even think they would last a month with me if I didn't force myself to believe that thrill and excitement are the keys in a relationship.

College life came, and everything is still the same for me.

Admirers are still there, but this time, I was more picky.

I didn't actually think that someone in this school would make me feel the thrill that I'm looking for.

Until she came.

Winter Kim.

It's crazy how I never really cared about her back then, but in just one night, with just one kiss, she turned my world upside down.