away [ yae miko - raiden ei ]

IX

« Ei- »

« please ... shut up ... »

the archon knelt down, sobbing and crying uncontrollably.

Yae stood there, she didn't know how to feel and what to think. she never really saw Ei breaking down like that, after all. it was the first time the purple haired one was expressing her genuine emotions in front of her.

"this is ... unexpected"

« Ei ... »

« just shut up. shut up, i do not want to hear your words, i do not want to hear your voice, i do not want to talk to you, i do not want to hear you trying to make me give up on my goal. i am not — » in that exact moment she felt ... dizzy.

she stopped crying and sobbing, eyes staring at nothing and her breathing stopping for a second.

Yae noticed this sudden change, and immediately got close to her.

« are you okay, Ei? »

no answer.

« Ei? »

still no answer.

« Ei?! »

Yae kneeled down in front of her friend and placed her hands on the archon's back, at first shaking her gently.

no answer.

the kitsune proceeded to gradually shake her more and more, a violent rhythm.

« Ei, please — »
Ei fainted.

silence.

she reopened her eyes. where was she?
where was Yae?
Ei was laying down, her head was pulsating, felt like it was gonna explode.

she sat down, letting out a sigh.
she couldn't understand a single thing, and it felt like she couldn't even form proper thoughts in her head, as if her brain was broken.

Ei tried to talk, but no noise came out of her mouth. then, she tried to stand up, but it felt like very tight chains were attached to her wrists, waist and ankles.

so, the only thing she was able to do was sitting, seeing and hearing. there was no noise to be heard though.

after some time, she tried to stand up and made it. her senses were slowly starting to awaken, her brain was regaining consciousness and her body was finally able to move properly.

"my, my ... what was wrong with me earlier?" "oh well, never mind, i guess. i need to find Yae and talk to her. i'm going to end this debate once and for all." "she is not going to change my mind. i've worked so hard for this, i do not intend to give up this easily. not even after all the visions i've confiscated, all the deaths i've caused and all the problems i've created.

yes, — wait, what?"

Ei raised an eyebrow. what was she thinking?
she started walking. she couldn't understand why she thought those things. she didn't cause that many problems, did she?

"you did. YOU caused Inazuma's downfall. YOU caused the deaths of tons of people. YOU caused civil wars and YOU caused people's hatred towards this nation. it's all YOUR fault."

« ... what ... » Ei felt words running in her head, she couldn't stop them.

she started running.

"run all you like, it's not like running away from your guilt is going to save you or bring back innocent people and solve all the problems around here"

Ei ran and ran.
this is not true, none of this is true. Inazuma is fine, everything will be fine, the archon thought.

"stop lying to yourself. you DO know the possible consequences to your actions. you know what future awaits Inazuma, yet you keep trying to pursue your stupid goal. you are just selfish, it's as Yae said."

"you're selfish!"

"you're selfish!"

"you're selfish!"

"you don't care about Inazumans, you only care about yourself! no one wants to live forever, no one wants to live in a boring and unchanging eternity!"

"you're SELFISH!"

Ei felt like people were laughing at her, despising and making fun of her.

they were laughing at her miserable attempts of ignoring those voices, the voices of truth. she couldn't handle the truth, she was selfish. she was acting like a kid. live forever? who even cared? only Ei did. she never wanted to lose a loved one again.

the continuous losses of her loved ones left holes in her heart, in her brain, in her feelings. she wanted to cover these holes with a blanket. this blanket was, in fact, the achievement of eternity.

once, she thought that if she never grew attached to someone else again and achieved eternity, she never would've suffered again, and the holes inside her would've been refilled.

the problem is, these holes can never be refilled if you keep thinking about their cause.

the best way to refill them, to heal, is to not think about them. it's hard not to, but if they don't get refilled they'll grow even more and cause irreparable damage.

the "blanket" these holes get covered with, at the first obstacle, will just get blown away with the weakest gust of wind. it's not an-always-working-solution.

maybe, Ei didn't want to heal.
she said she was trying to achieve eternity for her people, for the future, to not think about the past.

but what was the prime cause of this? yes, the past.

"you're ridiculous, Raiden Ei!"

"heheheh, Raiden Ei? hehehehe"

she didn't want to run anymore.

« Ei ... »
the archon turned around, recognizing a very familiar voice coming from behind her.

« Makoto?! »