our best mistake • mileven

10.

EL'S POV

home sweet home, i would say.

the trip is over, i feel great.

i don't feel great though, i only feel great that i'm back home.

and.... i've been throwing up.

i think it's fine.

but max says different and now i'm at her house.

"i am fine!" i exclaim as i walk through the house.

"you're fine?" she repeats as i nod, "i am—" i cut myself off by gagging, "toilet, toilet!" she shouts as i run to her bathroom and kneel down.

she holds my hair back as i spill my guts into the toilet bowl.

she rubs my back and i weakly wipe my mouth before standing up, "thanks max." i flush the toilet.

she gives me a look, "take a fucking pregnancy test." she tells me and kneels down to her cabinets to pull out a test.

"why do you have that?" i ask her as she hands it to me, "i bought it for you to test when you agreed to come over."

"now do it." she demands as i grumble something and wash my mouth and she goes to open the packet.

i go to the toilet and hold it under me as i pee.

i let out a yawn, "i am not pregnant."

"you look tired, you're having morning sickness for the third time this week." she says, "take it to be sure."

i roll my eyes and once i finish, i stand up and set the stick on a tissue on the countertop.

"it'll say not pregnant. i assure you." i say, "it was just a drunken mistake and we're fine now. we don't talk, we don't blah."

"blah?"

"yeah like... blah." i mumble with a shrug as she chuckles quietly and we both wait.

but what if i am pregnant?

what am i going to do?

i didn't imagine myself married, dating or whatever with kids. i can't do this! i can't do this alone or with him!

"two minutes!" max exclaims as i exhale in worry.

i go to pick it up and my breath hitches.

pregnant.

in giant ass words.

i can read, you know. the words don't need to be so big that it panics me more.

"no, no. this is wrong." i whisper and my panic rises.

i can't have a baby!

i can't have kids!

i can't do this! i'm too not mom type, i can't have kids. i can't do it!

my vision blurs and i try to steady myself.

"woah, woah," max catches me just in time and i feel my body go weak, my vision clouds but i can faintly hear max yell to me for me to wake up.

i feel her set me down and slowly, i can hear her better and my vision clears just a bit for me to shape out everything.

"el?" she asks as i wait for everything to pass and so i can answer.

"yeah?" i whisper as she sighs a relief, "you scared me!" she sits me up better, "are you okay?"

i nod slowly, "fine." i look down to my stomach, "okay what if it's wrong?"

"then let's go buy more tests and pay the doctor a visit."

✿

how will i tell him?

how!?

i enter my house, hoping that hopper is asleep because i don't need to tell him just yet.

i'm so scared.

i'm not cut out to be a mother!

i almost burned down the kitchen making brownies!

as i walk in, i notice the living room light still on and hopper is probably watching a movie.

he's going to be so mad at me.

i tiptoe upstairs and to my room to get ready for bed and to get my mind off this whole baby thing because i don't need to worry about a human popping out of me in 9 months just yet.

i'll tell mike tomorrow so we can work everything out.

but tomorrow.

i get into the shower and clean myself off as i silently cry to calm myself down and then i walk out to get changed.

staring at myself in the mirror, i rub my stomach and i sigh.

i can't believe i'm actually pregnant with no boyfriend, no nothing and the baby daddy is mike out of all people.

i cant believe this one bit.

laying down on the bed, i stare up at the ceiling as i rub my face and sob into my hands.

my life is a mess.

and it's all mike's fault.

no, no.

we back up.

it's hugo's fault that i'm pregnant with mike's child.

it's my abusive ex-boyfriends fault.