our best mistake • mileven

6.

EL'S POV

i feel like a pig eating at the table. i know why hugo cheated on me know.

her girlfriend is barely eating.

that's why i wasn't enough.

i need another drink.

i refill my glass since this is a buffet and i hear hopper whisper to me, "el, that's enough."

right, i used to be an alcoholic.

"i'm fine." i tell him quietly.

no one in the family knows. they don't need to know.

"el," he warns but i give him a look, "i am fine." i practically chug down my drink and finish it quickly.

i set my glass down, prepared to pour myself another drink but hopper takes my glass away and doesn't say a word.

i don't even protest but only sink down in my seat.

after my mom died, i did have a bit of a problem. i didn't want to believe that she was dead and the drugs and this took away the pain.

then after hugo cheated and blamed me and did the other.. stuff, i started to treat them like meals instead.

drugs were consumed like food. so was the alcohol.

i had a serious problem.

rehab was needed and so was therapy but i don't think anyone cared enough to notice.

"i need to go to the bathroom," i announce and stand up with a bit of a stumble.

i took the bathroom razor.

"shit." i bump into something as i head to the bathroom nearby.

"jesus fuck, el." i grumble to myself and walk into girls bathroom and to a free stall.

thank god i'm wearing a long sleeved top.

sliding down against the wall and sitting down on the tile floor, i bang my head back on the wall and do it repeatedly before shutting my eyes and letting out a quiet cry.

why can't i be pretty like her?

i pull out the razor from the pocket of my skirt and then roll up my sleeve.

el, you've worked so hard to get rid of these habits, you have to fight the urge.

but i can't. i can't fight the urge.

fuck.

i can't fight anymore...

as i place the blade over my arm, i stare at it for a second before i take a deep breath.

"el, you in there?" i hear a knock on the door making me snap my head up.

what is mike doing out there?

i don't answer him and after a few seconds i hear the door open, "el?"

i place the blade away into my pocket and pull my sleeve back down with a frown.

what was i thinking?

"el?" he asks again and i bite down on my lip for a few seconds to think if i should reply.

i hear some footsteps and so i open my mouth, "i'm here."

i hear the door shut and i wonder if he had left.

"what are you doing hiding in the bathroom?" he asks as i move my hand up to unlock the door.

i move a bit so the door wouldn't hit me then he comes to view.