Brutal love

Chapter 1

Elora 🪸

I have my own life right? I can decide for myself right? Then why am I still so scared and sad?

It's almost as if I can't pull myself out of the pool of sadness, I can see the sea roaring with blue gracefulness, breathing in its freedom yet I was belittled by my lonely pride. My sanity depended on warmth and love. Which is funny cause I seem to be lacking those. A lot.

Someday I wished I was invincible and someday I wished the whole world could recognise me and show me some love.

I didn't want many by my side. One could do or was I still being too greedy?

I don't even know where I'm heading to right now. The path I'm turning to was dark and dull with zero tolerance of light. Ironic cause that's exactly what my life has been.

Being lost in my thoughts I finally reached the place I was told to come. It was dreary with few dim lights on. The house wasn't crappy at all in fact it was ful of cements and bricks and what not, just the appearance was loose.

I walked in almost holding my breath. This wasn't a place for me, I might be well-off but the whole atmosphere wasn't for me. This is scaring me. Again.

I took a right turn, where everyone seemed to be seated and trust me I did my best not to gain any attention but it wasn't my day. Everyone was silent as soon as I came to view and that freaked me out. There is nothing good about attention unless you are the queen bee or celebrity or whatever.

My eyes diverted to my shoes and my whole body slouched. Nothing new.

"Elle come here" I'm pretty sure that came from my right. The growl almost killing my little confidence to walk up to him. Everyone was quite, I could hear the pool water calming down, this is a party right?

I came to where he was and looked at him. Absolutely terrifying, he was sitting there with a girl on his right and his favourite bourbon in his other hand. I just wished he didn't throw the bourbon on me.

"I called you here didn't I?"  His eyebrows raised. He did right?

"Yes" I'm gonna piss my pants if he does something crazy.

"Oh yeah I remember but you can go home, I'm not in the mood" He said it as if I was a servant in his place, ordering me to come and go as he pleases. I was so belittled and crushed but it's better this way.

I was happy that he was sending me home without any drama.

"Ok. Thank you" I wasn't really sure if I had to go but  that just meant I could go home to my guitar right?

I turned around and started walking, no one talked it was silent and very awkward for me but this wasn't new, it's like an ongoing drama that happened every other day. Bully, Bully,Bully and repeat. It's not like I could ever get over it.

Throughout whatever has happened to me, all I wanted was someone by my side. Someone I could share my good and bad times with, it wasn't really a difficult wish. Was I that ugly that no one wanted to befriend me? Was I that dumb or stupid? So many questions fill my mind, with anxiety. I lived quite a life.

I was unwanted, ignored and completely invisible for anyone to notice me. There was a very vast area in my heart that was empty, I'd even say almost everything was empty and the only thing keeping me from having to take my life was my guitar and pet dog. None of them are human.

"A reminder, don't go singing with your guitar it hurts my ears" Alec his friend laughed and it took only that much for the whole crowd to start laughing their ass out. Was it that funny? His face would be funnier.