Red Rivers and Nightmares

12. A Feast Of...

After she has tied my brown hair into a leather tie I turn and muster up a smile, "Thank you, Miss. Do you know if the feast has begun?"

She responds as she steps away from me, "Your kin an' the othar one have returned an' two have finished with the bathing so the eating has started. I'm supposed to take ya to ya seat."

I turn, my hands automatically clasping lightly in front of my abdomen. How easy it is to fall into habits that I followed so unwillingly at home. I, at least, succeed in keeping the bitterness out of my face and voice, "I wait for you then, miss."

As soon as we leave the hall the noise picks up. For a brief moment I worry about showing up in someone else's clothing but then I remind myself of how inconsequential I am being. People are truly suffering and here I am getting worried over feeling uncomfortable.

My guide is silent even as she leads me to a cushion set aside for me at the head table. Still, I can see joy lightening her step. Is she that happy that violence has avoided her people thus far? I barely refrain from shaking my head to shake out the ridiculous thought. Not everybody is selfish and scared. I can also recognize that I am being unfair to her. This is a feast. It would be more unusual if she was not overjoyed to be with her family and friends in a festive air like this one.

She bows to me before she leaves and I nod to her. I see Iien immediately at this table but not Rion or Akun. As I straighten my skirt I try to look for the both of them without appearing to do so. I do not see Akun but I do see an empty cushion left at this table. I am starting to feel worry when I do finally see Rion. He has been placed away from our table but one that is close by. Nothing looks particularly wrong about his placement but I cannot help the feeling I have of something being off.

I am watching as those around him seem to be somewhat ignoring him but before I can ask about it Hina places down her fork and looks at me with inquisitive eyes, "Ya know 'bout Pai-rus?"

I smile out of shock more than anything else and I immediately search for Iien's gaze but he is stuck in conversation with Jan and since he is on the other side of Hina I cannot nudge him. When one of her gray eyebrows raise I jerk my head in a nod and place my own fork down, "Yes, I know Kinza was originally set up that way and it even stayed so until Kona had died. However, Tennan has yet to pass the leadership role onto any of his paired descendants." I end with a disheartened smile. I had wondered about that decision of his and how convenient they were when I was alone in the dark. Now, being confronted with it I wonder if other family members have thought about this too, or just accepted it because most of us are vampires.

Hina pulls me from my thoughts with a deliberate, drawn out hum, "Well, least they taught ya."

Startled, I suddenly laugh. I have no idea where this laughter is coming from other than my sudden need to do so but I feel a little better about being at this feast, sitting and chatting, than I had felt before. It seems Hina was aware of my tenseness as she smiles before leading me into further conversation about the good qualities of a Pai-ru system over an absolute monarch, or other single-lead type of leadership. I do not bat an eye when we move on from that topic onto the traditions carried by Lazuli Lake.

I am enjoying our talk immensely yet, it does not prevent me from suddenly feeling the need to get away from this festive air to be alone. I could not explain it even if I wanted to. I just suddenly go from feeling okay to feeling weighed down by something that is also sapping me of my energy to be sociable.

Remembering my need to be polite I manage to finish our conversation before also politely excusing myself. I even manage to successfully avoid having her send me back to my room with one of the other villagers here. And, not wanting to attract undue attention I walk away from the loud, happy vibe to the quiet, stillness of the hallways with as much silence as I can muster. I thought it would make me feel better but, if anything, it feels like I am more burdened.