To Fight Back, To Change

Chapter 21 - The Story...kinda.

I changed the chapter - i was writing a storyline but i didn't see it working out. Hope you like it

p.s. this chapter is entirely dedicated to the most amazing comment i have ever received - and i wish i received it much sooner than my email had wanted me to. Thank you! I think you are absolutely brilliant. And im so sorry that its taken this long.

Chapter 21 - The Story…kinda.

By the time I had driven back to the house, sneaked in past the members of the pack and collapsed on the creaky bed I was pretty sure I was already half-asleep. Crashing onto that bed was the deal-breaker for my mind and body and I was asleep in seconds.

Sleep was sound. I dreamed no dreams, no nightmares, it was a blank sleep. I can say with certainty that blank sleep is a great gift for me. It means I can recuperate fully without any of the emotion scarring side-affects, as Sarah calls it. But when I woke up that next morning at the crack of dawn it felt like I could finally have a grip on this whole thing. I did my sort-of-technique when things in my seemingly crackpot life went even more crackpot. I imagined my two faces.

 As I lay under the covers reluctant to move I closed my eyes and separated the two halves of me. Ace and Alexis.  By now I’m an expert at this. Stepping outside of my body and watching the lines that connect my ethereal aura or something like that. My thoughts don’t dwell on things like that. Ace and Alexis, dead me and alive me. I knew that I owed my life to Ace as she was my saviour and shield while I owed my encounters of death to Alexis the emotional side that i lock away to keep it from shredding itself into nothing. My own mind was clouded on purpose for when I remembered experiences that happened as Alexis, the memoires crack open and spill thickly into my mind. The idea of having two sides frustrates me to no end. It’s like having two people constantly nattering inside my head and I don’t’ know which one is me and as these thoughts occurred to me I felt my fists curl under the pressure. 

The faces of my two sides swirled on the back of my eyelids. One was tired, with wrinkles in places that a face with eyes so young shouldn’t’ have. The hair was ratty and pulled into a loose braid strains of hair swirled across the face. The mouth was curved upwards into a sad smile, like that face knew things others should not. Then there was my façade.  Long hair spewed out like volcanic waves morphing into different colours but freeing the way to see the whole face. Tight lips pulled into a tight smirk, frustration causing a downward arc in the eyebrows and the eyes stared into nothing as if the face was troubled with a deep thought. The smile did not match with the eyes.

My own eyes twitched open fast.  Which face was better? I thought. Because neither seemed to be as good as each other. Logical thought seemed to be the only response needed here, if I got emotional things wouldn’t go as calm as they could. There are enough examples of overwhelming emotions leading to very bad things. Look at Romeo and Juliet – not that this is a love tradgedy or anything. Logical thought told me that Alpha was an obstacle I needed to face to gain the information needed, logical thought told me that yesterday afternoon was a completely stupid idea. Which it was.  

Logical thought told me that even though I as in desperate need to confront the Alpha my identity needed to not be discovered. I frowned at the thought of Marcus knowing who I was, hoping that he would stay away for a while. I would have to think further onto how to convince him otherwise.  The words I killed my sister drifted into the sideveiw of my thoughts. Recollection of the sad words sent a shiver down my spine. 

Marcus’s eyes when he had said those words were as sad as Alexis’s in my mind. Could I have, when locking away Alexis, caused my brother to change into a male version of her? Was there a curse in our family prophesizing that there will never be peace? You’re cursed with their blood. The words leaked through their prison before I could catch it and sent it back.