Things felt like they were getting better and I was way less sexual. I downloaded tinder because I felt like I owed it to myself to enjoy a casual date with a guy for once. I went to a bar with this dude and things were going well. It was my first time getting actual bar drinks and before I knew it I was fucked out of my mind. Next thing I knew, I woke up with him on top of me... doing things. I couldn't even speak and the room was spinning. I physically couldn't get up and couldn't process my brain to get the word "no" out of my mouth. I decided to just go back to sleep. When he was done he woke me up and took me home.
The next day i felt like shit. But i did something i'd never done before. I told someone, and i processed it. Yeah it was FUCKED UP i felt like SHIT and almost started to hate myself. But when my friend helped me overlook the situation, I realized it wasn't my fault. I know it sounds sick and twisted but it took the last rape for me to realize.
Since that's happened I've been talking about my SA trauma with close friends and getting help. I'm hoping to get into counseling soon and I think me spilling my life on wattpad is helping too. I know there's a lot of girls out there in my shoes. Many girls who are hyper sexual have been sexually abused. I beg everyone to be aware. I am BEGGING. I wish someone stopped me and asked me if I was okay maybe i could've woken up. Years later i finally did, better late than ever I guess. :(
Thanks for reading my story I hope I connected with anyone going through the same thing or validated that you're not crazy. Because you aren't and if you're similar to me YOU ARE NOT A HOE.
