An Awkward Understanding.

Torn.

Hey guys! 35 reads, thank you so so so much c: Im super grateful.
I hope that this chapter will be good, as im sick and have nothing to do. I really need to update this more.. I feel bad that I haven’t.
Anyways, Onward and.. uh, upward? Im not sure. I think I’ll end this chapter with an update on who I am, because although I know you don’t care in the slightest, I feel like I should be more interactive with the people who read my naratives. – MalevolentBible.

Life is art. It’s a beautiful misrepresentation of a portrait drawn by the heavens, Live and thrive with no particular meaning.

Phil’s PoV:
As Soon as I’d told him, I knew it was a mistake, It was blurry. He was just, gone.

I tried calling after him but my voice wouldn’t let me. It felt as if someone had chains around my lungs, I couldn’t feel anything.

What would I do, what if he doesn’t want to be my best friend anymore.. What if.. What if he hates me? What if he thinks I’m lying and that I was the one who took advantage of him.

I’m so confused. I’m so bemused and angry with my stupid self for having making he upset enough to storm out of our apartment in such a manner.

I sighed, and flopped onto the couch, still clasping my phone inbetween my trembling fingers, My hands were shaking so badly and profusely. I looked down at them.

My knuckles were white from having cluthing the phone so hard, I sat up on the couch and rest my phone on my knee, contemplating what I should do in a moment I’d never been in before.

I’d had endless girlfriends. I’d never really felt extremely connected to them though.

Dan was like my girlfriend in a best friend. I don’t know what you’d call that. But he was amazing. He once told me long ago that he’d had no best friend for the first 18 years of his life. I remember all the sadness in his face.

Flashback

I looked too the 19 year old sitting in front of me, pouring his tears into his thin white tee-shirt. I felt as though every string in my heart was ripping at this sight.

I felt as though all of my thoughts, all of my intentions were utterly useless in this moment.

All I could see was Him and all I could feel was him. Why would anyone, anyone ever in the entire world look past him? He was close, he wasn’t arrogant. He had a strong mind and a caring heart. A thoughtful mind and a beautiful way of seeing the world as though nothing mattered but the things closest to him.

I looked up from my lap into his watery dark hazel eyes.

They were like orbs, like you could reach into the whites and hold them, keep them as your own, they’d fill you with such happiness, and sadness at the same time. Because behind those eyes lurked so much more than anyone had ever really let on.

I never left his gaze, as though I’d thought I’d never catch it again.

I remember looking to him and thinking “Why? You’re perfect dan, you’re so fucking perfect”

Instead of speaking my mind I reached for his limp, tired stiff body, and pulled it to mine, he rest his head on my shoulder, still crying. I’d never felt closer to anyone in any moment that I had right now.

Flashback end.

Thinking those words again had put me In a mood I couldn’t understand.

All those times I’d comfort him, I’d always thought it was just a friendly gesture.

Never as something so important and special. I mean, it was always going to be special, because we were both special to each other.