An Awkward Understanding.

29.

Hey phan shippers! Or just general readers of fanfiction on the internet ^-^

I've decided to add another chapter tonight, I just can't drag myself away.

I left it for three hours and I got five more reads! My goodness you guys are so sweet!

you're all amazing people and you should always remember that c:

if you need to find me anywhere else my tumblr is Dissesential-Negativity.tumblr.com!

Anyways, getting back to the fiction!

Phil's PoV (It'll be Phil's for a while until I can think of a better plot to Dan's point of view.)

I pushed the lock inwards to the door, making it inaccessible.

I pushed myself up against the shudderingly cold door and slowly slid down into a crouching position.

I'd never felt so alone in my entire life, and I still didn't understand why.

What was the meaning behind this feeling of self-destruction. Why did I feel as though I was completely and utterly useless to this distasteful disgusting world?

it's so cruel, all the goals life sets for you, all the rules it makes.

The judgement, the fear of really being yourself in a society where being everyone else is just so much easier.

Every thought I had was clouded so dark, every way I tried to opt out of feeling this way, it wouldn't work. I was so stuck. I was so inbetween, it felt unnatural.

I sat up, still on the floor but now lifting my head to rub my eyes.

They were hot and sticky, and felt so tender.

I felt as though every heart string had been strummed, and every limb in my body was useless than one another.

I shifted, trying to sit up whilst still addicted to my thoughts.

I sat up completely, standing.

I walked toward the mirror again, realizing just how horrendous I looked.

I turned the cold tap and stared further into myself.

What am I doing in my bathroom, with a locked door, crying my eyes and soul into the knees of my jeans?

Why did I feel like this?

it was so surpressed, It wasn't dan.

it was me. It was my fault I was like this, I stopped thinking when I realized the sink was now overflowing with the cool liquid.

I quickly shoved the tap to the left, turning off the stream.

I delve my face into the basin, submerging my feelings and not caring if I got my fringe wet.

Although at first it was freezing, it was now calming.

it was washing away all the feelings id had, they were leaving my mind, floating beyond the plug hole into another drain.

all of my utter useless feeling only returned when I lifted my head.

I remembered back to my teenage years, First discovering self-harm when I was only 13.

I'd gotten bullied so badly that one day, it felt like everything inside me was shutting down, it was as if I felt nothing but remorse for my entire existence.

That's when I had started the whole thing, littering my body with tiny scars that I would one day regret so handsomely.

I could never take back those moments where I'd felt so vulnerable that I'd have to mutilate my body.