An Awkward Understanding.

Remembrance

The Picture up the top is Oliver Achastire

Philip's POV.

if reality had a hand, and an intention to bruise me it would've worked, because my brain was still trying to slowly piece together what I had done to Dan, and what I had done to myself.

Why did I do it, what thought pattern allowed me to do something like this to my body.

It hurt like no tomorrow, it burned the surface of my skin and created a whole new pain every second my blood ran colder through my veins.

"Phil what in the hell was that!" He bellowed as he stood outside my door, banging his fist against it in a repetitive motion.

"I-I-i well I don't kno- I don't know wha- what I did just leave me- me alone p-p- please Dan" I stammered.

I could feel tears burn behind my eyes and I screwed up my features and crawled into a ball on my floor, shaking and crying and wondering what to do.

Where to go from here, really.

It's messy, i'm messy and I feel like a wreck.

A toured soul, one could say. But honestly. How did I create such a sick misfortune.

My eyes were throbbing, and my throat felt like it was on fire.

My whole being aches from just a few stupid cuts Id decide to inflict upon myself.

Ripped from my thoughts, Id heard Dan sigh loudly.

Then same a harsh sliding noise against my door and a large clap of the floorboards as Dan came to rest against my door.

"I'm worried Phil" was all I heard through the splinted wood.

I heard him sniffle. I honestly, more than anything right now. Would have loved to embrace him. Tuck my arms around his broad form and never let go for a second believing that if I did I may never feel heaven like that again.

"You're not yourself Phil, and I mean-" he cut himself off with a dry cough and another sniffle.

This boy was mangling whatever was left of my broken heart.

"Where are we, now I mean. What are we doing, friends..-" there was a long pause in which he coughed again and sighed loudly.

I moved from across the room and slide down the door in the same fashion Id imagine he did, with a rather uncomfortable landing.

I turned my head to the side, pressing my ear against the door, my every nerve on end in sheer excitement that would spill out of his lips next.

"You're so confusing- fuck I just want you to be okay...okay? I care about you more than anything Phil. If I could give you the world I would, if I could create a world in which you couldn't be touched, you couldn't be hurt. A place where we could just.. Be. You're everything and the only thing I have left that I can honestly say I'm completely emotionally invested in. You're my soulm- you're my mate. And believe me when I say, if I could collect every star that fills the bleak sky on a dark night for you, I would" he muttered into the oak.

Tears were brimming in my eyes, and my heart had dropped so low in my chest that I wasn't even sure it was beating anymore.

I opened my mouth to speak but it came out dry.

Is this what people mean when they say they're speechless?

He sighed again and I felt him slide up the door. I consciously begged him to stay. Wanting to feel the closeness between the door again.