For Always (book one)

Chapter 8: Complicated

Beau

I was sittin' on the sofa in the parlor, which is where I landed when I went through the bed and the floor to get away from the situation I'd created with Malyn. I didn't know what else to do. When I heard her tell me to kiss her, it took everything I had not to. I'd wanted to kiss her since the first day I met her.

How could I let this happen? How could I let it get this far? I never thought Malyn would have the same feelin's for me as I did for her. I'm dead, for goodness sakes. It's not like we can live happily ever after. I can't live at all. I should've stayed away from her and not been so selfish. But to go that long with no interaction with livers, it kinda makes ya crazy. Talkin' to her and Nellie made me feel almost normal again—alive again.

I laid my head back, wishin' I could go to sleep and escape my mind for a bit. I felt bad for leavin' Malyn like I did, but I knew if I went back up to explain that I'd end up grantin' her most recent request. So, I got up and went through the wall to the backyard. The moon was shinin' bright through the trees, which made me think of her again; the way it danced on her skin and reflected off her hair. I had to get away.

I started runnin', which I hadn't done in a while. I knew it'd be good for calmin' down this anxious feelin' I had. It took a lot outta me to go through the trees instead of goin' around 'em. So, I decide to run the border of the property, goin' through anything that got in my way. If I lost focus, I'd be knocked backwards like a liver would be if he ran into a tree. Focusin' on trees kept my mind busy. It must've 'drained my energy', as Nellie calls it, though, 'cause I had to stop and lay down after a while.

I laid in the hammock until almost sunrise, then I got up and went to the other side of the property till Malyn left for work. I hated not wishin' her good luck on her first day, but figured it was for the best, right now. I'd be talkin' to her soon enough. I just hoped we could go back to how we were before our feelin's got in the way. She was the only friend I had who I could actually talk to, and I didn't want to lose her.

I waited till Nellie left to take Malyn to work before I ventured inside. I went up to Malyn's room and sat on the edge of her bed. I looked around at all her stuff, which still seemed odd to see in here. It had been my room when I was alive, but looked a lot different, now. The only thing that was in here, back then, was my bed, a dresser, and a writing desk. I was lucky enough, bein' the oldest, not to have to share a bedroom with my brothers. When I became of age, Pa said if I'd stay and help on the farm that he'd give me my own room. I'd planned on stayin', anyway, but I didn't mention that to him.

The whole upstairs had once just been three bedrooms: my brothers', sisters', and mine. It was nice, comfortable, back then, but I liked the way Nellie had redone it a whole lot better. I'd loved to have been able to take a shower or use the bathroom inside, especially when it was rainin', or worse, snowin'. Half the time, I just peed out my window. If Pa would've caught me, I'd have got a whoopin' for sure. But it was a bit scary havin' to go use the outhouse, not knowing if some animal or snake was gonna be lurkin' in there with ya. I might play with 'em, now, but I tried to steer clear of 'em when I was alive.

I got up and looked on her dresser at her pictures that were scattered around and taped up here and there. Some were of Nellie and the ones she'd found of her mom and dad, but most were of her with her friends. One was of her friend, LeLe, who I'd seen on her camera. She was a pretty girl with mousy brown hair and dark eyes, but plain compared to Malyn.

I sat down on her bed again, wonderin' what I should do. How was I gonna approach her when she got home? I'd say she was mad, probably hurt, maybe confused, and I had no idea how to fix it. Girls were always complicated, but never like this. Maybe she'll start courtin' some boy in town and forget about me. It would hurt, but as long as I'm the one hurtin' and not her, I'd live with it.