As I lay dying

Chapter Seven

Grief it's something everyone will experience eventually it's painful and heartbreaking.
Some people grief in different ways for some it can be finding comfort in other for others it can be isolating yourself from the world.

Grief can also come in a form of overwhelming emotions. I would say I grief by isolating myself I push everyone and everything away I isolate myself from the world because it feels like it has taken everything from me. It
feels as if I'm lost I've lost the battle that I put my all in, it took away the person that was my world that I loved that was their for me.

I want to scream at the world and curse it out, I want to scream and cry I've tried so many nights since the passing of my mother.

I have tried so hard to cry to let it out my mom deserve that from me to shed tears for her that's the least that I could do for someone that did so much for me but I can't because I can't feel a thing nothing brings me comfort anymore what's the point..

It's like I'm here but I'm not I've spent countless nights crying and screaming kicking and fighting for years that's all I've done but if I learned one thing from doing that all those years is I can cry a thousand times but it won't erase those memories.

Sometimes even tears can express how much pain a person is actually in. Some people say that your here on this earth for a purpose that God gives the hardest battle to only the people he thinks can handle it but what if that's not true what if that's just a shitty excuse to distract you from the fact of how fucked up this world is because if it were true god would of listened to me all those countless nights that I begged for his helped.

That I begged him to take me because I didn't have the courage to do it myself, the nights I yelled and screamed until my lungs gave out and my heart felt strung out. All those nights that I had to cover my mouth to cover up the sobs that wanted to escape so badly how badly my heart wanted to cry but my eyes were completely dry and that right there is the worst kind of pain someone can be in, sometime the sadness that we can't explain is the worst...