On The Stage

XX

My prediction turned out to be wrong. Not that this is the first time I've been wrong, but in this particular aspect it was quite unexpected. From the moment Gregory confessed the truth to my mother, Kevin hadn't said a word. He hadn't even thrown a single stinging comment in his father's direction, hadn't said anything to him or looked at him. I didn't remember much after that memorable evening. At some point my brain simply shut down and did not take in any additional information. I was just a passive observer of the wave of extreme emotions that poured through the inhabitants of the house. The only thing I registered was that for the rest of the evening Kevin held me close to him. His hand rested once on my shoulder and once on my waist as if at all costs the boy wanted to make sure I was still here and in no danger. As we rode through the night to Karkarom, the wolf also spoke little. The man limited himself to dry remarks such as that the street was empty, that we would arrive early in the morning and such. I do not remember saying anything myself during those many hours of travel. The man did not even turn on the radio, which made us fall into a deafening silence, disturbed only by the sound of the car engine. During the whole trip I had the impression that although physically I was sitting in the passenger seat, mentally I was somewhere else. I felt as if I had moved to a land without colors, taste and smell. A land where there is not even black and white. I had never experienced such a feeling before. Never before had I felt such peace, such indifference. I didn't want to laugh or cry. I wasn't angry, sad or heartbroken either. I just felt bland. Like a blank sheet of paper that could not be filled with sketches or words in any way. I was not interested in anything at that moment. Nothing at all.

I just remember the thought of Kevin's gun going through my head once. Actually, the gun wasn't his. The item was the property of the Royal Military Academy of course. In this country, it was illegal for citizens to own guns and it took a lot of trouble to get a permit for such a device. So it puzzled me, firstly, how come no one at the Academy realised that Kevin was still in possession of the gun that the Academy had given him back in the winter. Secondly, why did Kevin take the gun with him to the family dinner? It is a known fact that this fact was...disturbing to say the least. I won't say that I felt uncomfortable around Kevin, because that would be a lie. I knew that nothing would threaten me with him and I did not have to fear for my safety. Besides, if I've learned anything living with this family it's that sometimes it's not worth asking unnecessary questions. However, sometimes it is worth leaving some issues alone and letting them live...their lives. Kevin was going to tell me sooner or later anyway. I didn't want to push for anything anymore or demand any explanations. The second thing I learned from living among these people was that to keep your secrets you had to be like Apolonia. You had to be like a boulder, like iron. You couldn't talk to anyone, complain or share your emotions, otherwise all your secrets would sooner or later come to light. This was also the third lesson I learned from the Von Rostov family. The truth will always come out if you involve your feelings in your secrets.

When we arrived in the nation's capital and were already in the small, modest apartment that Kevin had rented with his roommate, the Royal Military Academy student wanted to give up my bed and sleep on the floor by himself. However, we ended up sleeping together in the same bed. If anyone should sleep on the floor, it was me. Kevin was physically exhausted after a very long trip. Mentally too, after all the events that had taken place over the last six months. Although we fell asleep with our backs turned to each other, when I woke up in the late afternoon, his hand was already resting on my chest and the man was asleep with his face turned towards me. We slept in our pajamas, if anyone is interested in that fact.

I looked around Kevin's room. The room looked like a typical student's resting place. There were few things in it, some plant that grew peacefully on a small desk. There was also a chest of drawers and a wardrobe, some books stacked here and there. Generally, there was nothing worth paying attention to.