Tango

Change

When looking back at the time that had passed, Alex counted the days, weeks, and months that had gone by. He and Thomas had been together for six months, and he'd been cooped up in either his apartment or Thomas's house for over three of them, not to say four. Now sure, having another person to hang out with has unquestionably made it bearable, and having the luxury to step outside into the backyard with a certain sense of safety has helped tremendously. But it had gotten old, the same house, the same backyard - only now adorned with plenty of beautifully smelling roses. But still, it was all the same, every day.

Alexander had gotten restless. A deep need for something different lit a fire inside him, he wanted to go out. But, he didn't want to go out... His appearance, having changed drastically in the last two months; He feared it too obvious. Every shirt he now wore, oversized or not, was accented by his protruding stomach. To a random passerby, it would look like nothing more than a well-cared-for beer belly. To him, it was more like a huge sign screaming "Look at me, I'm a freak!". It wasn't only his stomach that he disliked. The pregnancy, making his body change in big and small ways. From his hair being thicker and shinier to his newfound number eleven shoesize. His face was fuller, an accidental, slight double chin being a much more common occurrence than it used to. His chest, while not big, was softer, filled with more fat than average. And same went for his love handles, stretch marks appearing on the small of his back - his skin not used to the added tension. His hips and thighs, following the same fate. For Thomas surely something to grab onto, while to Alex it made him look more feminine. When he looked at his hands and feet, he could see the water retention beginning to take place. In his eyes, he looked more like The Michelin Man than a normal human being. Overall his body felt foreign to him. What he saw in the mirror was not what he remembered, and he didn't want others to see it. He was stuck in a mental dilemma, his mind tortured by the monotonic nature of his current life while also battling with his own self-perception. He stood in just his sweatpants in front of the full-length mirror, looking for signs of his old self.

"What are you doing?" Came Jefferson's soothing voice from the doorframe.

"Just looking."

The young man didn't spare him a single glance, his gaze focused on the image before him. Thomas came closer, resting against the wardrobe that housed the mirror. He studied his partner and wondered what was going on inside his head.

"You've been 'just looking' for quite a while now..."

Hamilton frowned at the words, side-eyeing the man.

"You're overthinking again, I can see it. You get this look in your eyes and your brows furrow ever so slightly."

Alexander sighed and stepped away from the mirror reaching for his t-shirt, about to put it on.

"No, no." The Virginian stopped him.

"Come back here." He grabbed the shorter man by the hand and pulled him back to the mirror.

He placed him right in front of the looking glass, right as he was not a minute ago, and stood behind him, his head peeking over his lover's shoulder.

"Something was happening here, you were standing here for a reason. I'd like to know that reason. If you would let me. Don't fester in your thoughts, please? I'm here for you." He rubbed the man's upper arms up and down in support.

Alex stared down his and his partner's reflection, his mind teetering around the concept that was him and Thomas. He placed one of his hands on his bare bump pensively.

"What happened to me, Thomas?" His voice was hollow.

The older man frowned.

"What have I become? Look at me. I look... like a woman." Was the best way he could oversimplify his thoughts.