Tango

I need you now

Thankfully it didn't take much persuading for Alexander to move into Jefferson's house - the man was right - it was a good idea having more pros to it than cons. He brought along some of his belongings and the new clothes they had bought that would themselves be too small soon. It had been months since the younger man had stepped foot in any of the rooms but, once he was there - it felt just like yesterday. With the changing weather and warmer temperature, Alex found himself hanging out on the big wooden swing in the backyard a lot. Or rather, that's where Thomas would usually find him when he'd get back from work - he'd come by, sit and sway on the swing with him until they'd find something better to do.
And it was just there that Thomas found him on Saturday afternoon. Gone were the days of staying at the office until late hours of the night - there were other priorities now. Without even saying a word to each other, the taller man sat down by his lover's side for some quality time. If they didn't have responsibilities, they could sit there for hours, relishing in each other's company.
They sat, snuggled up - Alexander in Thomas's embrace, the swing swaying lightly in the warm spring evening. But it seemed Alex was restless. The Virginian couldn't see his face but, he noticed the younger man's hand roaming around his swollen abdomen in a scrutinizing manner, almost as if he was searching for something. He pulled away to look at the other man's face, which was plagued with turmoil.

"Something's wrong?"

The Caribbean man didn't hear him, focused on whatever it was that bothered him. Thomas grabbed the aforementioned hand with his own.

"Everything okay?"

He looked the shorter man in the eye as he finally caught his attention. Alexander smiled, and his brows relaxed as a wave of tension left his body - it made him feel all warm and fuzzy to see his other half care so much.

"Yeah, everything's okay. It's just- I, think it's moving, and it's really tripping me up."

"It's moving?" The darker man spoke in disbelief, slipping his hand under Alexander's to try and feel something.

"Yeah, it's been doing in for a few days now, but I don't think you'll feel anything. I can only feel it on the inside."

The taller man gave him a quick peck on the forehead, letting his hand rest on the younger man's thigh, resigning himself to the fact that he'll have to wait a little longer to experience the physical movements of their child.

"Does it... hurt? You seemed pretty preoccupied a second ago."

"I mean - not really. It's just a very strange sensation, and it's making me think of all sorts of different things."

"Like what?" The darker man was intrigued.

"Is this what it would've been like if it had worked out with Eliza? Would she even have been happy with me, had we succeeded? Do I even want this?"

The first questions were only boiling jealousy in Thomas's veins but, the last one made him sad. What if Alex did, in fact, not want this? Doubt was plaguing them both.

"What do you mean - Do you even want this?"

"I told you, I'm terrible with kids." He chuckled.

"I keep thinking about all the things I can still fuck up. I didn't exactly have the best role models in life - I'm not sure I want to raise this kid if I'm gonna do more harm than good." The brunette bit both of his lips, his mouth turning into a straight line.

"Why do you keep thinking you have to do this alone?" The Virginian was trying so hard to understand his lover's new state of mind.

"I'm sorry. I- I'm sure you'll be great at this - I just don't want to put it all on you. If we're gonna do this, I want to be an active part of it, but I'm not sure I can."