Boys and... ME

Anger

Thanks so much for reading!!! Sorry it took so long!

I gasp. I look at my brother, thinking he is totally out of his mind. What was he saying? We have a sister? And I NEVER heard about her?

I stand up, frustrated, and walk downstairs. I can’t believe they didn’t tell me. How stupid is that? I HAVE A SISTER AND I DIDN’T EVEN KNOW?  

I snatch my coat from the hook and cross the door with a booming sound.

 When I reach the street, I start running, a tear rolling down my cheek, despite myself. I run for at least a mile, trying to get stuff placed in my head, but every time I try harder, it all gets mixed up again and my anger takes another level. I stop, trying to take my breath again.

I hear steps behind me. Then a voice.

“Rose?” My best friend, Tommy, catches up to me and takes my arm, staring at my bloodshot eyes.

“You ok?”

His voice seems tense.

I look at him, thinking it’s pretty obvious I’m not ok. But I simply nod, pushing back every emotion storming in me.

“I’m fine.”

He seems to doubt.

“Is it your dad? Did he drink again?”

I look at him angrily, hating him for the memories he brought back.

“How dare you talk about that? I told you he stopped!” I shout.

“Rose… You know I didn’t mean it that way.”

I turn and walk in the opposite direction, away from him. But he follows me.

“Please don’t over react!”

I stop to face him again, my heart beating with anger.

“OVER REACT? You know I want to forget about that time! YOU KNOW.”

I start running back to my house. Tommy doesn’t run after me, knowing I would manage to push him away until he left me alone.

I rush back to my room and prepare my stuff to go take a shower when my dad enters my room.

“Rose, can I talk to you?”

I stop scrabbling through my drawer and look at him, trying not to think about what Tommy said. He continues, not noticing I didn’t answer.

“I’m sorry you’ll have to change school. But it’s such a great opportunity…”

 “I’m ok. Don’t worry about me. It’s not like I’m not used to it anyways.”

I take my stuff and walk past him to get to the bathroom.

He sighs.

“Rose, wait…”

I stop, anger making its way to my heart, even if I try to push it back. I look at him, forcing myself not to say a word.

“You know this time is different. You know we will have a better life!”

“I know! But what about mom?”

He stares at me, confused.

“What about her?”

“You know she’ll make you do the exact same thing you did eleven years ago! YOU KNOW IT AND YOU LET HER COME BACK??”

I don’t wait for his answer to go lock myself up in the washroom. Just when things were getting better with my dad, SHE has to come back! She really doesn’t know what she did to us, doesn’t she? I start the shower, flustered. The warm water runs down my face as I close my eyes to blink away bitter tears. It’s been at least a couple year since I haven’t cried, and I now remember why. It hurts. All the memories and the pain stuffed in the deepest part of my heart are slowly climbing back to my head.

Suddenly, I’m back eleven years ago. My mom is crossing the threshold of one of our first houses, her eyes filled with anger and hurt. My father is running after her.

“You can’t do this to us, Mary!” I can’t see his face, but I can feel the tears in his voice. He tries to stop her, but my mom pushes him away and enters a yellow cab. Her piercing eyes alight on me for the last time before she closes the door in a booming sound. My dad tries to open it, but it’s already locked. 

“MARY! NO! I NEED YOU!”

The car stars.

“NO! STOP THE CAB! WAIT!”

He runs after the car until it reaches to the end of the road. I can see him fall on his knees, his shoulder shaking with sobs, his hands holding his head in the middle of the road. I remember my incomprehension, the questions forcing into my innocent head. I even remember Dean taking me in his arms, murmuring something in my ear with his broken voice.

“Don’t worry, Rose. It will be ok. Don’t worry.”

When I understood she’d never come back, it was the first I felt hatred in my life. But then I didn’t know it wouldn’t be the last time.