Boys and... ME

Goodbye

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I look at my room, which now seems dead and cold. No more pictures, no more bed, no more curtains, no more clothe. Just memories. Faded memories. I have to start it all over again. I sigh and close the door gently. I take a last glance at every room, but they all look different, distant. Only white walls and empty windows. “Be strong. Stop being all sentimental about a house, it’s not worth it.” My dad’s words rush back to my brain. It was the first time we moved after my mother left. I was six years old. Then, I was emotional about everything. I cried for everything since my mommy wasn’t there at night. But I couldn’t be like this around boys, so I just stopped crying. My dad changed now, but just thinking about this time makes my heart skip a beat. I can feel hatred invade my heart.

 I hold back a cry when Dean appears beside me and wraps my shoulders with his strong arm, smiling.

“It’s just a house. Home is where the family is. Every thing’ll be all right”

I nod, not convinced at all. But I try to smile. I wouldn’t want him to worry about me.

We walk down the stairs and cross the door after looking back a last time. It’s not my home anymore. But still, I think I’ll miss this place. It was beautiful. And close to Tommy. Speaking of him, I’ve avoided him since the incident a few weeks before, but now I would die to see him and tell him I’m sorry. I don’t want to leave and let him think I hate him. I do this all the time. I lose friends. And I hate myself for it, but I just can’t help myself from being angry at every one when they talk about my parents.

“Hey, rose, help me out here, please?” My brother Jack, one year older than me, begs me, while forcing the last luggage into the moving van. I smile when I see the many suitcases tightly tidy in it. Jack’s a real genius. I help him and we close the door with a satisfied smile. We’re finally done. Ready to go. My dad congratulates us for our work and shows us the car with his chin.

“Let’s go guys!” he says happily, as if it was the best day of his life. Actually, it must be for him. I mean…new job, new home (which looks beautiful, by the way), new life. It would be one of the best for me if I didn’t have to leave behind my best friend. I give him a fake smirk as I enter our red truck after every one.

“Wait!”

When I hear his voice, I suddenly stop climbing in the car and look behind me. The world seems to stop. Tommy is standing there, out of breath. My eyes widen. No body ever ran after me before. Never wanted me back after I was angry. No one but him.

“You didn’t say goodbye.” He says with a beaming smile. Oh, this smile.

I hesitate. What should I do? Should I say goodbye and leave? Should I go see him? But when he takes a step in my direction, I just can’t hold myself. Who cares what every body thinks.

I run to him and jump in his arms. I nestle my face in the hollow of his shoulder and enjoy his arms holding me tightly for a last time in what will probably be more than a few week, concentrating not to cry.

“I’m sorry.” I finally say without even forcing it.

I hear his warm and deep laugh ringing in my ear.

“You’re already forgiven, silly.”

I force myself to break the hug unwillingly and smile sadly.

“I’ll miss you, bro.” I say, trying to sound as friendly as possible.

He smiles.

“Me too, Rose. We’ll see soon, don’t worry.”

I nod and turn to get back to the truck after saying goodbye.

“Call me when you get there!” he shouts before I close the door, where my dad and brothers are waiting for me. I wave at Tommy, smiling. When I finally look away, the guys are all staring at me as if I was some kind of alien. Or no, they are staring at me as they did the first time I got my periods. I roll my eyes.

“What are you staring at?”

Nate laughs at me.

“Your face is burning red.”

I sigh. Will he ever grow up? Dean, who is seated next to my dad, turns to face the back seat, looking Nate with a reprimanding look.

“Let the girl be in love, Nate.” He says with a smirk.

I stick my hand in his face, laughing.

“I’m not in love!!!” I try to convince them, but they all laugh or roll their eyes.

Dean winks at my brothers before patting my dad’s shoulder.

“I guess we’re ready to go now.”

My dad gazes at the house before starting the car with a sigh of relief.

“Indeed. It’s time to move on.”

We all stay quiet as we stray from the house. I look back at Tommy, standing on our lawn, waving. I watch him until he’s lost in the landscape.

As we head to our new house, I keep thinking of him. “Let the girl be in love.” If Dean thinks I’m in love, does it mean I am? I mean, he knows me like the back of his hand. But it’s Tommy. It just can’t be. And we are now apart. So it wouldn’t lead to anywhere. Wouldn’t it?

The trees parades before my eyes as my thoughts keep leaping back to Tommy every time I try not to think of him. They are all covered in white snow, drenched in the rays of sunshine. I mentally say goodbye to all of them. They are a part of my past now.

After what is for my dad half an hour (which really is more like one hour and ten minutes), we arrive in the parking of our now house.

I step outside the truck. My eyes must be playing me. It’s enormous! And magnificent! And perfect! I look at Dean with the corner of my eye. He looks as astonished as me. It really is bigger than on the pictures. And it’s my new house. Wow.