Finding our place in this world

The End?

[Ryan’s POV]

            My recovery seemed to take forever, sure I had Ray by my side, and he made sure no one gave him any shit over it. I needed him, and I knew he needed me. I was thankful I still had basic functions like walking and talking because I don’t know what I would do without them. I knew I had slight memory loss, because there were days when Ray seemed like a stranger to me. I was scared to approach on the days that I couldn’t remember him. But it seemed like he kept his distance too, so I was thankful for that even when I didn’t remember him.

            I seemed to forget the simplest things, like knife throwing or firing a gun. I struggled and I got angry, sometimes I got so frustrated I ended up in tears. I hated it, but it was something I had to deal with. Most nights I ended up writing down things so I remembered them, a common one being ‘I love Ray Narvaez Jr’ it was tragic, and beautiful at the same time to me. Because something anyone else would remember easily, I had to struggle to remember.

            Ray stayed up all night most of the time, so if I tried to leave he could stop me in the event that I did leave and I couldn’t remember where I’d gone to. I had a string of good days when Ray felt he was ready to go back to 636, I told him I would be fine to leave alone, so he didn’t return for a couple of days. It was about 3 am when I called Ray.

“Ryan?” He asked, yawning.

“Ray. I don’t…I can’t remember what happened, I just stepped out for a walk and now I’m covered in blood and on the run from the cops, please help me.” I said.

            I stayed hiding waiting for Ray, I couldn’t remember what had happened after I went for a walk. Had I been on my way home? Did someone try to start a fight? I didn’t know, but then again, even without injury there were points when my psychotic persona, The Mad King, took over. So I figured that’s what had happened. When Ray found me, he grabbed my hand and we took off running. We dodged bullets as fast as we could, but Ray still managed to get hit. I pointed it out to him.

“Ray, you’re bleeding.” I said, looking panicked.

Glancing to my shoulder, He swore beneath his breath and sighed. “You’re right.”

“Should we do something about it?” I asked.

            He shook his head as he looked around the corner to double check there were no more cops looking for us. Once he was sure that no one was around we took off for 636. After 20 minutes of weaving through the streets of Los Santos, we climbed up the fire escape and into Ray’s room. I knew if I was seen that Geoff would kill me, so I stayed back while he went across to the bathroom. I heard him converse with Jack.

“What’s up Ray?” Jack asked.

“Listen, Ryan’s here, because he’s in trouble with the cops. He’s in my room right now, I need you to keep that a secret between us, and I also have a bullet in my shoulder from going to get him.” Ray explained.

            Jack helped Ray out and dug the bullet out of his shoulder, and kept his promise to stay quiet about me being in Ray’s room. Unfortunately, it was Gavin that exposed me. He was walking down the hallway and gave a surprised squawk when he saw me. I guess that alerted Geoff because I heard the argument start.

“You son of a bitch, why’s he here?” He asked Ray.

“Because he’s on the run and couldn’t go back to his place, Geoff don’t make me fucking punch you!” Ray yelled. “Look, whether you like it or not, I’m always gonna be associated with Ryan in some way! Whether it be as a crew member or his fucking boyfriend!” He added, earning himself a fist to the nose.

“You decided where your loyalties were, Ray. And they were right here with us.” Geoff said. “Why are you changing them?” He asked.

Ray clenched his fists before he answered. “I’m changing them because he deserves a second chance. He deserves a second chance at being a crew member and I deserve a second chance to love him.” He said, wiping the blood from my nose. “If you can’t understand that, then I don’t want to be part of this crew anymore.” He added, shoving him off.

            Ray didn’t even glance back as he left, he didn’t even turn back. I ran after him quickly, catching up to him quickly. Grabbing his wrist, I turned him around.

“Ray, stop.” I said.

He kept his face away, and I knew he had tears of frustration were on his cheeks.

“Ray, look at me.” I said, turning his face to mine, keeping my finger under his chin. “I understand you want me to have my second chance to be part of the crew, but Geoff won’t allow it, I switched my loyalties and I shouldn’t have. I understand why he’s doing it. You can’t really expect him to grant you what you want just because you feel like I deserve it.” I added.

 “You don’t get it Ryan!” He yelled, the tears flowing faster down his face. “You really don’t fucking get it! I never wanted this! I never wanted you to be a traitor! I never wanted Geoff to be angry at you because of this! I never wanted to be heart broken in the first place! Hell, I never wanted to fall in love!” He admitted, crossing his arms. “But it happened, I fell in love with you and I knew better because every time I’d fallen in love before you, they all did the same thing, they broke my heart.” He said, turning his face to the floor.

            I didn’t hesitate to life his chin again, pressing our lips together for a long moment before I pulled away and spoke.

“Sometimes second chances are all that’s needed to set things straight.” I whispered.

            Judging from the look on Ray’s face, he knew I was right, he just had to accept that fact. I studied his face for a long moment trying to read it. Sometimes Ray was an open book, other days he was so closed off, today he was so closed off it was hard to understand what he was thinking. I moved my hand to his face and ran a thumb over his cheek.

“Ray, we have to trust that fact.” I whispered.

“I know we have to trust that, Ryan. But it’s hard to make Geoff understand that. You know how he is, and I want you to be by my side forever. I need you back in the crew. I need you, Ryan. I know I’ve said it before. Please, come back to us.” He said.

“I will, I promise.” I said. “We need to find our place in this world first.”