Outlaw Women

Opening Old Wounds

Ashlyn’s POV:
Brantley’s words about telling the parents about us kept playing in my head. He didn't know that aside from Chase and Miranda, I didn't have a family. And even they were not blood. My parents had been killed my freshman year of college in a boating accident with fishing in the gulf. It wasn't something I liked to talk about because truthfully, it hurt to even think about it, much less say the words aloud. Plus there was the fact that I was supposed to have been on that trip with them but had flaked at the last minute to hang out with a new guy I had met, telling them that I needed to study for midterms. 

But I knew that if I expected Brantley to be honest with me, I was going to have to be honest with him in turn. And that meant that I was going to have to open up wounds that I would rather leave closed, hoping that he would be there to help me heal them. Knowing my thoughts were going to dampen my mood tremendously, I waited until Brantley was seated and engaging with the crowd before slipping away and finding something to occupy my time. I didn't want to see the look of disappointment on his face when I wasn't there like he had asked me to be.

My thoughts were running a hundred miles an hour and not focusing on my surroundings when I bumped into someone. Since I wasn't paying attention, I nearly lost my balance. A hand wrapped around my arm keeping me from falling. Alarm bells went off inside of my head, telling me without looking who had hold of me. I knew that I was going to have to fight like hell to get away and the best plan of approach was going to be surprise. Balling up the fist on my right hand, I drew back and swung a perfectly executed right hook that connected squarely on the jaw of the person holding my arm. When the person holding it howled in pain, it was like my brain caught up with what was going on. I took in the sight in front of me. Standing in front of me holding his jaw was Ben, Brantley’s drummer, not Blake who I had assumed it was. Guess that's what I get for assuming. Then again, Ben shouldn't have grabbed me like he did. But if he hadn’t, I would be on my ass right now so there was that. 

“Shit, I'm so sorry, Ben.” I said, not bothering to make eye contact. I was too embarrassed to look him in the eye after the way I’d just reacted. But the nurturing side of me wanted to go to him to make sure he was okay. 

“It was my fault. PJ told us about Blake and all earlier. I should have known better than to grab you like that.” said Ben as he massaged his jaw. I watched as he continued to rub his jaw, hating that I was letting Blake scare me to the point that I was feeling this jumpy. Then again, it wasn't just Blake. It was knowing that I needed to tell Brantley about my parents too. The combination of the two was racking hell on my emotions. And speaking of my emotions, tears were welling up in my eyes and threatening to spill over. Ben noticed because too. “Hey Ash, it's okay. It really is. Don't cry. I don't want to have to explain to BG why you are crying. I don't want to die tonight. If BG finds out you're crying because of me, he will lose his shit. He’ll probably tear me limb from limb just to prolong the pain.”

“Ben, It's nothing you did. Hell, it's not just that shit that happened earlier. I have to tell BG something huge about me and my past and talking about it breaks my heart. I know I need to tell him but I really wish there was a way for him and I to just never have this conversation.” I said, a lone tear streaming down my face, the rest clogging my throat.

“Whatever it is, you know BG aint gonna change his opinion of you right?” said Ben, tentatively raising a hand to rest on my shoulder. I felt myself tense up but instantly forced myself to relax. This was Ben for crying out loud, not that douche bag I called an ex. Ben would never do anything to hurt me or anyone for that matter. 

“I know. Doesn’t make it any easier to talk about though.” I explained as I tried to pull myself together. 

“Ash, the only thing that could change that man’s opinion of you is if you told him you used to be a man. And since there is talk of you two trying your best to turn the bus over last night, I highly doubt that's the case.” said Ben, causing me to blush. My god, how many people knew we had tried to fuck eachother brains out last night? “Look, BG’s show is starting in 20 minutes. I need to get back with the band. You coming with or do you want a little alone time.” said Ben.