𝙄𝙣𝙟𝙪𝙨𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙚

Goodbyes

Natille's POV •

I leave Xiomara's right before she finishes getting ready to talk to Indigo. I feel different than before. Like my world has slightly been altered. I thought I would feel this parade of emotions hitting me today, but I feel the same as before, just more at peace.

Was Xiomara who I truly wanted all along?

Maybe Regina was right with what she saw. She recognized what I felt for Xiomara before it even came. I guess I was like a school boy bullying the girl he liked- I knew I wanted Xiomara, but it disgusted me. It didn't make the way I treated her before right...but now things were clicking for me.

"I'm in love," I say as I enter my car.

I sit there for awhile, staring off into space. I felt around for my emotions. I didn't feel anymore guilt, I didn't feel surprise. So I always knew that I loved Xiomara. "Huh," I say, then shift my car into drive.

I drive back to my new place. I wasn't jumping over the hills or making stupid decisions like everyone claimed love caused you to do. Maybe it was a slow poison that seeped into your bloodstream. Maybe it was going to bite me in the ass in the future. But right now I don't feel any different than I did before, just slightly better. Slightly better is fine, right?

I make it to my crib and make a few calls. All my plans are set in stone. After I have my tape, Regina will fall and Liv will have a reduced sentence. Liviya isn't my enemy, I've decided. She might have lied about hurting Xiomara, the woman I now recognize that I love, but she's only protected me this entire time despite me denying her of the love she wants from me.

After tonight, my life will move on towards better.

Xiomara's POV •

I meet Indigo at McDonald's. I boredly sit in the back, trying to dodge flies.

She finally walks through the door, and I self consciously cover up one of the hickeys Natille left on me. "I didn't think you'd show up," I comment as she sits down. "Me neither," she admits with a light laugh. "It was pretty awkward last night," I say bluntly. "And we should talk about it."

Indigo exhales heavily, waiting for me to finish.

I laugh, surprised at the irony of this all. "I used to complain so much about Nat, but she's opened up a new side of me. She's brought out something in me that not even the birth of my own flesh and blood could do. Isn't that crazy, Indigo?" I shake my head, staring at the table, then glancing up at my best friend. "I've hurt you."

"You did, but I'm over it now," she lies.

"Indigo, don't pretend," I sigh. "And I didn't do this to get back at you in any type of way," I add. "My emotions are conflicted right now. I feel like a teenage girl. Shit, technically I still am," I say.

"You're 18, I'm 19. Still teens," she smiles a bit.

"I don't know what Natille and I are doing. We just fucked last night," I shrug. "Nothing serious. But you and I had an emotional bond."

"We were confused friends, playing at a relationship but too scared to outright call it that," Indigo says. "Do you still wanna be my friend, X? Do you still want to be something more? I wanna know what you want."

"What I want is complicated now."

"How so?" she rests her face in her hand.

"Zabelle cries out for you and a dad who's never gonna come. Natille used to hate me but I found some secret passion for me within her. I don't know who to choose."

"If you have to choose between us, maybe neither of us is the one you love," she comments.

I swallow my spit, looking around the McDonald's.

"Maybe you're right, Indigo. But I've never dated for love. I won't even say I dated for the moment. Or the sexual parts. Maybe that makes me a a weird person, I don't know. I've always dated because of the person. Wanting to be with a person." I look her square in the eyes. "I'm not tryna choose who I love the most because it feels like I've been broken too many times to love. It feels like I don't love anything anymore. The only thing I seem to be able to love is my child. Half of my love comes from knowing that I should, and the other comes from me actually caring for her and how adorable she is. I don't have anymore love to give the world. I'm trying to choose who I want to be with here, Indigo."

"Even if for a little while?" she asks, licking her lips quickly.

"Yeah," I look away.

"If I didn't care for Zabelle. Didn't bring y'all groceries. Didn't offer you the Papa John's job, how would you feel about me?"

"What- What do you mean?" I ask.

"If you take away all the extra that I did compared to Natille, who would win your heart?" she demands.

"Indigo, I don't know," I say.

"You do," she hits the table.

The workers behind the counter look at us.

"I'm not using you, Indigo. I never thought of you in that way," I tell her truthfully. "I always worried that if I made you mad you would stop taking care of us, but I never did what I did with you so that you would."

"In a way, it was me who used you, Xiomara," she said sullenly. "Some part of me must have known that caring for you at your lowest and fucking you was some sort of twisted exchange that we didn't want to admit to and that we both sort of liked."

"I'm sorry," I say, covering my face.

"It's both of our faults, but we were just blind," she says softly. "Don't be ashamed, X."

"I feel horrible," I tell her, tears in my eyes.

"I never thought of it as you using me."

"You treated us like your own family. I feel like I was using you now," I throw my hands up. We sat in silence for awhile longer. "So, friends?" she grinned.

"Indigo, I feel like crap and you're smiling right now," I roll my eyes. I still go around the table and hug her tight. I bury my face against her. "You smell like her too," she whispered. I pull back and eye her. "How you know how she smell? Y'all fucked around too?" I demand.

"Nah, nah," Indigo laughed. "You just...I don't know, I just somehow know it's her on you." She gave me a sad smile. "You're not mine anymore."

"Never was," I say with a small smile.

"Ima miss you, and Zabelle." A far away look crosses her eyes. "I probably shouldn't come around anymore. I don't wanna confuse Zabelle."

"Yeah, she'll be calling out for two niggas that's left her now," I joke.

"Maybe we can still hang out, from time to time," she holds my hand, twisting her fingers in between mine. "Maybe," I shrug.

"I'm glad that we aren't arguing. That this is ending on a good note," she tells me, staring into my eyes.

"Thank you, Indigo. For everything you've done."

"Don't let Nat treat you like shit," she tells me, then let's go of my hand. Indigo leaves the McDonald's, her cool touch still engrained in my hand. I lay my head down on the semi clean table and cry my all of my heart out.

I'm going to miss that girl. She was truly a good one.

Natille better be worth it, or I swear to God.

👋🏽