All Too Well [H.S]

Prologue/ Information

Before we begin, 

This story contains mature content that might not be suitable for some audiences. It is important to me that my readers are aware and comfortable when reading this book. Therefore, if you know you may be sensible about a particular topic, please read caution. The book will discuss various sensitive subjects, and I will have them listed below. Every chapter with a sensitive topic will be labelled at the very beginning of the chapter in bold, along with the exact issue the chapter will touch upon.

Topics may include: Addiction, Opioid usage, Alcohol consumption, Depression, Anxiety, Eating disorders, Domestic violence, Sexual assault, Vomiting, Panic attacks, Suicide discussions, etc. 

Moving on,

I also wanted to shed light on Lilah and Harry quickly. They are both very confusing and will be for a hot minute. Some of Lilah's actions may seem contradictory, unstable, mercurial, etc. She has trauma and anxiety, the things of her past affected her deeply. That includes the situation with Harry you will come to know shortly. Harry also will make confusing decisions, say irrational things, and obviously not be the best person at times. 

Character development though, am I right? ;)

Anyways, I would appreciate if we could be easy on these two shitheads as much as we can! I promise you will grow to love them both equally. But I do appreciate constructive criticism! :)

Polaroid(s) will be scattered throughout the story! They are extremely meaningful and will give you insight to the book. A lot of them will be from the past, if not most of them. Pay attention to them ;)! 

Okay, last thing I swear! (You'll be happy to hear this one)

Yes, there is smut. 

Please be aware that the smut will be intense and contain graphic content. All chapters containing this content will be labeled with a * in the chapter name as well as in the beginning of the story. You may see one coming soon, but don't be alarmed.  (Spoiler: It's not Harry and Lilah.) 

Lilah is bisexual so you will be seeing her with other partner(s) other than Mr. Styles. Sorry haz! :(

There is no kink shaming/slut shaming in my comment section. I won't allow it and you will be blocked. That also ties in with LGBTQ+ hate and racism. Respectfully, get out if you aren't into that. 

Graphic content includes: Subrry, Domrry, Degradation kinks, Praise kinks, blood kinks, Daddy kink, knife play, ropes, gags, BDSM, toys, etc. (I think you get the gist of it. I'll save the rest for later.) 

 That is all, my dears. I genuinely hope you enjoy this book and stick around to see how it plays out! I will be updating weekly and chapter length will vary. Anyways, please enjoy and thank you for reading. 

- elena 

All Too Well

There is something about the sensation of being desired, like you mean something to any individual. The sensation of understanding somebody all too well because you've shared every moment of blissful ache, incandescent happiness, staggering sorrow, atramentous gloom, and irrefutable jealously. 

Then, there's the ghastly and lonesome feeling once they go away. You never see them again. They disappeared in hindsight, even if you shut your eyes and attempted to recall the details within the crevices of their face. All that is left are four partitions and an empty room, and you don't even know if the drowning feeling will depart.

When suddenly the entirety you once knew is taken away, the feeling which you are so secure with begins to disintegrate at the seams. Rippling away like currents within the ocean. The undeniable change that you are forced to stand face to face to feels so estranged. Questions pass unanswered, and pain emerges from the depths of hell, or at least that's what it feels like.

Although, the worst part must be the denial. The denial that something has gone wrong or that your existence will not be the same. The person you once knew all too well has now grown to be a stranger, a liar, or a cheat.

Is denial the worst part? 

Regardless of what the worst part is, it is able to be felt all at once. That is what he did to me the instant he left. Tens of thousands of emotions all came crashing in without delay, and regardless of how many years skip by, the sensation by no means goes away. I understand it's long gone and that magic couldn't be found within the next hundred moons, but I still remember everything. I recall how his cheeks turned pink, his freckles, and his piercing eyes. How we'd constantly skip metropolis; I thought he would say it was love. Though, he left and never called what it was. There was nothing else I could do.

Right?

But if I close my eyes, there we are again, on the roof of my childhood home and dancing around the kitchen in the refrigerator light.

Maybe we got lost in translation; maybe it was me that simply asked for too much, whatever the hell it was. They say all is well that ends well, but I'm in a new hell every time he double-crosses my mind. 

Time just won't fly.

"Maybe if we had been closer in age, Lilah." God, that made me want to die.

Liar. Liar. Liar.

I hated weeping in the bathroom of my own party as his friends consistently asked me what was wrong. "Why isn't he here?" I don't know. I don't know. "What happened?"

Him, that is what happened. 

Him.

"It's supposed to be fun turning 19, Lilah." My father repeated to me on my birthday.

What did I do to him to make him run? After ten years of friendship, you don't just up and leave? What did I do? 

What the fuck did I do?

All I remember is the wind in my hair, driving down the same street we would take to school every morning. As he tosses me the car keys, "Fuck this I'm done." All I felt was shame, shame, shame. Running scared, I didn't know my own self anymore. All the times he would call me up again just to break me like a promise. I wonder if the love affair maimed him too?

Plaid shirts, days, and nights where he swore to secrecy. I wonder if he remembers it all too well. From when his Redditch broke my skin and bones. The falling snow, the tears, the screaming, doors slamming. I remember it all too well. I was there.

He kept me as a secret, but I kept him like an oath.