All Too Well [H.S]

Ten

Lilah Green

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

11:29 PM

December 1, 2024

When I was younger, I had devastating beauty, a haunting voice, and a disarmingly shy, hopeless romantic, destructive, selfish youth. The mistakes, the regrets, the longing epiphanies, I embodied it all. The way I saw life back then parallels who I am today, and part of me regrets having the elements I had. Growing up never came easy to me, especially after my mum's passing took the toll it did on my heart. Life never did feel the same after she was gone, nor will it ever. So I sit here in a bar, surrounded by the way who watched me grow up, sipping on some exotic drink that Niall swore I'd like. I'm supposed to be enjoying this, right? So why is it I can't escape the drowning feeling that I should be anywhere else in the world right now?

After leaving Harry in the dim hallway, I can't shake the thought of him. I hadn't ever seen him so helpless, so weak, so distraught. It took everything in me not to wrap my arms around him and tell him I wasn't going anywhere. I had to put myself first this time, to spare my sanity. The letter I gave him was painfully personal, and I never expected to give it to him in the first place. I re-read it before handing it off to him and even now, four years later, I still meant every word in it. It was hard to walk away from him after being given a chance to maybe have him back in my life. But after many bottles of wine, tears shed, and walls punched, I decided it was best for me to let him go.

The look on his face when he saw me holding the bouquet of red roses formed a ball in my stomach that almost erupted. Andrew caught me walking backstage and gave them to me, asking if I'd come to the bar with everyone later tonight. Out of kindness, I accepted even though I didn't want to. Something about the look on Anne's face startled me when she noticed Andrew with the flowers, and now I know what it meant. I would've tossed them away if I had known Harry would be giving me the white ones instead.

"Lilah, hello? You there? I've asked you the same question three times now!" I hear Niall's voice bring me away from my internal monologue.

"Fuck, sorry." I replied, resting my chin in the palm of my hand. "What was the question?"

"I asked if you've seen Harry, he was supposed to be here hours ago." Niall asked, a concerned look on his face.

My eyebrows furrow collectively, looking around the bar, "Uh, not since the concert ended. He said he'd be here." I mumbled.

"That's...weird." Niall said, biting his lip as he pulled out his phone. "Did something happen between you two? It's just not like him to not show up. Especially for the last show." I hesitate on telling Niall what happened, since he doesn't even know the full history between Harry and I.

"I um- well. It's complicated, Niall. Why don't you jus' phone him and ask him where he's at?" I suggest, a small grin on my face.

He almost scoffs, shaking his head, "I have. Sixteen times already." His voice grew more and more worrisome as he spoke. I gulped, now feeling my ears get hot and a burning sensation in my chest.

"Where's Harry?" Mitch and Sarah said collectively, coming up behind Niall, "Dunno, been calling him for hours and he's not picking up." Niall responds, running his fingers through his blonde sweeps of hair aggressively.

"Wait, what? That's..not good. Where the fuck is he?" Mitch pressed, looking down at Niall's phone.

Why were they so worried? This is a grown international super star they're talking about for fuck's sake. My eyes kept darting to all of them, searching for a reason as to why they seemed so concerned about Harry's whereabouts.