All Too Well [H.S]

Four

TW: Mentions of suicide

Lilah Green

Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

8:54 P.M. 

November 29th, 2024

6 minutes until Harry Styles ends his show. 

I keep pacing bath in forth, leaving footprints over and over again in the snow. I had almost been standing out here for an hour, unsure of what to do. At one point I went back inside but didn't want to face Harry on stage again. Marianne must've been going ballistic at this point trying to find me. I didn't know whether I was making the right choice. A sick part of me wanted to leave Marianne here and leave and never have to face anybody here ever again. At the end of the day, I don't know if I wanted closure from Harry or not so much had already happened in the last four years and I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear his side of the story. Or whatever the fuck he thinks happened between us.

I was leaned up against his car now, hugging my body for warmth. It was the same old classic Mercedes that we had fought in merely four years ago. It looks like he had gotten it repainted though and changed the tires as well. The same classic vibrant red color remained to remind me of all the bad times and the good times that we've had in this very car.

Time was crunching down now, and I had to make a choice. A choice I'm not sure I'm willing to make or even consider.

I whisper profanities as I kick the snow trying to get my mind to come to a rational decision. My entire body was shivering from the cold I don't know how much longer I could wait out here. Harry's show was going to end soon regardless so I would be in a car soon with a heater. 

My phone buzzed, and I realized I told Marianne I would have been back ages ago. My eyes go wide as I pull it out of my jean pocket and look at the multiple missed calls and texts I have from her.

Lilah!! I'm freaking out!! Where are you?

Li? Please?? I am so sorry! I didn't know he was going to sing that!

Lilah ffs!!!! Please answer your phone!

Hello??

I began typing out a message to her, letting her know I was okay. What was I even supposed to do at this point? How would I tell her I ran into Harry, and now I'm debating letting him take me home? Part of me felt as though I was betraying myself. There couldn't be any hope in having a conversation with him, right?

Leaning up against the car, I fell to my knees with my phone pressed up against my forehead. I wanted nothing more at this point than for this night to end. To wake up in my warm sheets laughing at the bizarre dream I had. Why couldn't it be a dream?

Shaky breaths escaped my mouth as tears brimmed in my eyes; this was too much to handle in my heart. On my birthday. On the anniversary of my mother's death.

I shoved my hand into the pocket of my jeans once more but this time pulled out the piece of paper Harry gave me with his number on it. The paper meets my thumb and pointer finger as I rip it apart into unrecognizable little pieces. Rage filled my entire body; the blood rushed to my head as my tears streamed down my cheeks.

"Lilah?"

My head jerks up hearing a British accent thinking it was Harry, but I am presented with the cherry on top of the cake, my ex-boyfriend. My eyes widen at the sight of him, unsure if I should make a run for it or stay still. He looked the same from when I last saw him, his ruffled brown hair and tired eyes spoke for themselves. I kept blinking my eyes rapidly trying to comprehend that this wasn't a figment of my imagination.