Full ~Kaneki x Reader AU~

Chapter 19: Spoken or Unspoken

Better this way. It's better this way.

Those words, though my own, have been playing on repeat in my head, this constant loop just rolling. Over and over and over again. And each time I hear them again, I sink a little lower in my seat.

Rationally and logically, I understand why claiming it's better this way is the best answer. It provides some kind of separation between Kaneki and me - a wall or safety net. It reminds me that, in the end, nothing can happen between us. Not just because there is another, but geographically as well. After all, we both live in two completely different countries. And in the end, there really is another.

Touka. I don't know what these two had before or what they have now, but it is clear to see there is something. Even if it's only these little embers, slowly breathing in the gale, they are there. They are real. They do exist. And I refuse to be the one who comes along and dumps water on them.

And as much as I know I'm right in believing my own words, I also can't help but still think about him. I've never felt this way about anyone, which is annoying as hell. I mean, how does one deal with a feeling like this, especially if they don't know what to call it? It's frustrating and irritating.

The door opens and I turn as Kaneki enters, hair messy and windblown. He walks in, taking confident strides, his clothes fitting him perfectly. And of course, my heart flutters, sputtering like some kind of a twit. But I'm a twit, so it only makes sense, I suppose.

Kaneki must sense my staring and looks up at me, smiling, "Hey. How was your day?"

Heat rising to my face, I swallow. "H-hey. It was good. How was yours?"

He moves closer, shrugging, "It was...busy. Did you get any more writing done?"

"Not so much. Got a little, but not a ton. Nothing worth reading."

A small smile remains on his lips. "Oh. I was hoping you'd have more to read. I'm interested to see where your story goes."

The heat intensifies, this burning sensation migrating to my ears as I turn. I really don't want him to see my blushing. It's too embarrassing and even more complicated. So complicated.

"M-maybe tomorrow," I stammer, too nervous to look his way, though I can feel his eyes on me. Scanning and observing me. And I feel them, like fingers caressing my spine.

"I look forward to it," he says, moving closer. "So, did you and Mako go anywhere today?"

"Yeah. We went to do some last-minute souvenir shopping. Felt like I needed a few more things for everyone back home."

"That's fun. Did you get enough?"

"I feel as though I did. I'm telling you, after being here for two months, it feels weird to say I'll be going home in five days."

Finally, I glance up at him once again, mustering my best smile when our eyes collide. So fast and so quick, they meet, and my breath hitches. I've looked into his gaze so many times, but each time, this always happens. I find myself becoming lost in that gray ocean, wanting to swim in those stormy waves - to bask in their warmth. That's what I want to do.

That's what I always want to do.

However, this time, as I look into his eyes, I can see it. A hint - a twinge - of what appears to be sorrow. Sadness. Pain. But...why? Why would any of those emotions suddenly be so present? It makes no sense to me.

"Hey...are you okay?" I ask, reaching for him without thought.

This must snap him out of whatever trance he's in as he blinks, just slipping from my reach. "S-sorry. I'm fine. I was just thinking that maybe I should go wash up. So, please, excuse me."

He moves, steady and fluidly, turning to where the restroom is, leaving me where I already sit, watching him go. Watching as he grows further away, his back to me, leaving me lost and confused.

Did I...do or say something?

**Bello lovelies! A bit of a shorter chapter today. But hey, bit of Kaneki being present. That's something, right? This said I sense the ending will be nearing soon. I'm still not sure how many chapters remain, but I know we're getting close to the end. So, I hope we're all ready for the remainder of this book, myself included lol. Anywho, thank you all - as usual - so much! Wuv yous!! <3**

-Noel Ross

P.S. "Nobody Praying for Me" by Seether

P.S.S. Hope everyone who celebrates Thanksgiving has a happy Thanksgiving tomorrow! And if you're going Black Friday shopping Friday, then remember to be safe, kind, and patient!