Full ~Kaneki x Reader AU~

Chapter 21: We'll Be Okay

Exposure therapy.

That's what this is, right? Me sitting here, taking deep and slow breaths, bracing myself for what is to come. Telling myself what is to come. Hyping myself up, really.

Okay, Y/N...listen here, you are going to do this. You can do this. You will do this, or so fucking help me...

Without another moment spent hesitating, I do it. I act. I don't think - I just do. My eyes land on my hotel room's window. And just as I had told myself, the sun has set, the sky painted over by a black veil, the light pollution of the city blurring any stars that may be lingering above.

Honestly, at first, it's bearable, even pretty. Mysterious, too. Much like how the night has always appeared to me. But as I stare longer at that window, the more the shadows begin to play tricks on my eyes - or rather, my brain does. Before long, images of faces peeking through the window begin to manifest, glowing red eyes staring at me. Images that resemble Tatara far too much.

The longer I look at that window, the clearer the images become, my heart racing, beating its fists against my sternum - harder and harder. Tears begin to well and before long; I can no longer take it. Defeated, I look away, squeezing my eyes shut as a tear trickles down my cheek.

I was so hopeful. I was so hopeful that maybe - maybe - this would no longer be an issue. The threat of Aogiri Tree coming after me again is nothing more than an afterthought anymore. Kaneki has said it himself. They are far too busy planning...plotting something. Big, most likely. Something that outweighs little me. So, I doubt I'll be targeted.

However, even with that knowledge, it is still too difficult to look out that window at night.

Frustrated, I let the tears silently fall, wanting to scream and yell at myself. Not being able to look out the window at night - a time where I used to find such comfort and beauty - is painful. That peace and comfort I used to have been torn away, discouraging me, and leaving me hopeless. Will I spend the rest of my life afraid of the night? Will I have to sleep with a nightlight on in my room to shoo away the dark? Will I ever be able to find comfort in those early, early hours again? I hope so. I hope so.

Suddenly, I hear the latch of the door, followed by Kaneki's steady footsteps. Quickly, I start to wipe away any stray tears before looking up at him. He is in the middle of kicking his second shoe off when his eyes collide with mine, his brows knitting, the confusion filling his eyes.

"Y/N...have you been crying?"

I perked up, working my best to turn and hide my face, sniffling, "No. What gave you that idea?"

I hear nothing. One minute, I'm sitting alone on the floor, the next, he's knelt at my side, his stare fixated on me, that gaze burning me.

"Your eyes look red and glossy. What's wrong? Did something happen?"

I don't know why I'm suddenly angry, but I am. I'm angry and frustrated and annoyed. Not at him. This rage is not directed at him. It is aimed at me. At my own pitiful self. So, I try not to misplace that anger on him.

"No," I finally say with a heavy sigh. "Today was good. It was nice and enjoyable."

"Then why were you crying?"

"I said I wasn't." I almost - almost - snap at him, though I manage to remain composed. Composed and avoidant of his eyes.

However, I can still feel his gaze linger on me. "But you were. So, what happened?"

I hate that he can read me so easily. I hate that he can see through this lie. But at the same time, I almost appreciate that he can see through my fib. Still, this doesn't mean I'm particularly thrilled about discussing this.