*on hold* Until Callan moved in next door, Presley was one hundred percent, completely fine with how her life was turning out.
She never regretted dropping out of college or wasting her days working in a diner for minimum wage. Boredom never plagued...
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"What is wrong with men?" I asked my co-worker, Colleen.
"Where to start?" She chuckled, her eyes crinkling with her special brand of sarcasm.
Colleen was in her fifties and divorced three times, so maybe I was asking the wrong person. At this point, though, I was desperate and needed someone to bounce ideas off. I'd already talked to Brie, and she'd only made me feel worse because she told me the exact opposite of what I'd wanted to hear.
"I've been giving him all the signs that I'm into him, but it's like he's brain dead."
"Did ya actually tell him how you feel? In plain words?" Colleen eyed me suspiciously.
I scrunched up my nose. That's exactly what Brie asked me. "No. That seems... I don't know. Awkward."
"Honey, how is he supposed to know you like him? Men aren't that smart when it comes to this stuff. What have you done to show him you care?"
After a quick look out into the mostly-empty dining room, I filled Colleen in on how I'd made sure to touch him a lot, compliment him, and make a ton of eye contact. She nearly spit out her coffee when I told her about stripping down to my undies. In my defence, I had been really hot from working in the house, but mostly, I just wanted Callan to notice. But when I got back inside, my hair dripping and my skin glistening from the lake, he excused himself to make a phone call.
Ever since that damn moment in the hotel room when I freaked out, he'd been acting weird. But one moment couldn't have ruined our flirtation, right? We still had something - at least I thought so. But now that Callan was ignoring all my subtle advances, I wasn't so sure.
"He tried to kiss you, and you turned your cheek? That right there is your problem."
That's also what Brie had said. But that was WHY I was trying so hard to give him the signals that I WAS still interested. Ugh! Deep down, I knew the simple fix was to tell him how I felt. Only, I wasn't really good with stuff like that. Hell - I was best friends with Nick for almost a decade before we admitted our feelings This wasn't easy for me. Every time I thought about going up to Callan and spilling my guts, I felt sick to my stomach with a mixture of guilt and fear.
Guilt that I was somehow betraying Nick for being attracted to a man who wasn't him. Fear that if I let myself truly fall for Callan, I'd lose him with zero notice. It was why I kept myself at arm's length to anyone since Nick passed... I was scared. But it was more than that. Terrified was a better word to describe how it felt to put myself out there again.
So when Callan leaned in to kiss me, I reacted horribly. It was no wonder he was confused now, and my hope to somehow undo the damage I'd caused with flirty advances wasn't working. That night, we'd been so close... our conversation was easy, and I felt safe talking to him. He heard me and didn't pressure me to change how I lived my life. On top of all of that, the closer we got physically, the more my body surged with desire for him. I wanted to kiss him, to taste his lips. To touch him... really touch him. To have him touch me. I wanted all of it.
