Hold on; I still want you

Part 2

"Just drop by tomorrow. They really want you to"

When Sabine came by Ezra tried to hide his excitement. Which wasn't hard since exhaustion always managed to be the main feature obvious on his face.

But she hadn't come to see him. She had come to invite him over to a small gathering they were having. A baby shower of shorts, she laughed. She was excited. Ezra was indifferent.

Apparently everyone in the base wanted to get a glimpse at Jacen. He was the son of Hera Syndulla, general of the phoenix squadron and Kanan Jarrus, the last of the Jedi. Besides, the tension had been growing for a while. With what happened to Alderaan and the destruction of the Death Star people were looking for a reason to celebrate.

And Jacen becoming one month old was the perfect occasion.

Ezra eyed the new pair of clothes that Sabine had brought him. They were Tristen's.

"They must be better than the ones they gave you. I'm pretty sure someone died in them" she said handing the clothes to him. "We... haven't seen much of you lately" It was more of an accusation than a comment. Ezra could feel her annoyance.

At some point it would have worried him. Now it didn't. He couldn't bring himself to care. If they wanted to see him, they could have come by. After all the med droid had told him to minimise his movement. Did she really expect him to hover around Kanan and Hera all day long?

"The droid assigned to me ordered me to rest. I want to regain my strength as quickly as possible. Didn't want to strain myself. After everything that happened...I think I deserve some time to unwind" his tone was serious and dull. No emotion in his voice.

Sabine seemed a bit taken aback. And then Ezra felt her annoyance turn to guilt. She had forgotten that Ezra had spent months as a hostage on that star destroyer. Or at least she hadn't realized that there were long term consequences.

She wasn't around when Ezra would get panic attacks every time he heard or saw something that would remind him of his...experience, for lack of a better word. She wasn't there when he would wake up screaming. She wasn't there when Mon Montha made him go through a psycho-evaluation. She wasn't there when he received the results two days later. A paper with words he didn't understand but the letters PTSD written on top with big, red letters. And finally, she wasn't there when the Senator had told him that it was better if he abstain from any kind of war related duties at the moment.

The last one, Ezra considered to be the most embarrassing moment of his life. Mostly because he could feel the pity of the Senator. Along with the people who were there at the moment. She basically told him that the Rebellion was better off without him.

"Lothal is turning out really great" Sabine snapped him out of his trance. Lothal. With everything else, he hadn't even thought-

"Has the empire cause any trouble?" He found himself wondering.

"No. I stayed after you..." She paused. Realization had finally hit her. In the message Ezra had left for them, the one he said he was counting on her, he had sounded so calm. Like he was certain he would be okay. But he hadn't been okay.

Sabine had been busy fighting off the stormtroopers. Going after Thrawn. She hadn't seen Ezra until they reached the med center. After he was out of the bancta tank. After all his wounds had healed.

She had just assumed that he was okay. When they got back, Jacen was born. And ever since all eyes had been on him. Ezra kind of faded in the background. The guilt was icy cold against her heart. Rushing through her veins. She tried to analyse Ezra's face. Take a guess at what he was thinking. But it was completely devoid of any kind of emotion.