Hold on; I still want you

Chapter 3

Ezra sighed pinching his sides. The last time he had been that thin was before he had joined the Ghost Crew. Before Kanan and Hera -especially Hera- would literally shove food down his throat. Even when he refused. Too scared to waste any food.

But now there was no one to make him it. And his appetite seemed to have stayed at the Star Destroyer.

He was quick to put the clothes Sabine brought him on. Black pants and a black sweater. It made him look so...formal. Especially in contrast with the orange shirt he used to wear. That shirt was now a bloody, ragged mess. They threw it away at the med center.

He took the wooden lothwolf he had carved. He started a month ago. It wasn't meant as a gift for Jacen but, especially those first days that he was ordered to remain in bed he had to pass the time somehow.

With a knife left inside his drawer by the previous owner of the room he started carving this out. He had made sure to smooth any hard edges so Jacen wouldn't get any splinters or anything.

He put it in the pocket of his pants and walked out. He still had an hour before he had to meet Luke but he had something to do first. Something he should have done immediately after they had arrived.

By now he had become an expert at going through the exact routes that had the less people. Not many rebels saw him that morning and the ones they did just waved and kept walking. What he did on Lothal made him some kind of legend around here but many didn't believe the story was real. Ezra didn't blame them. If he hadn't been the one to summon the purgil he wouldn't have believed it himself.

And then there were the ones that thought what he did was reckless and utterly irresponsible. Just challenging the empire like that. Many considered the destruction of Alderaan to be his fault since after Thrawn disappeared all the founding from his TIE fighter went to project stardust.

Of course no one had told that to his face. But lately no many people had been noticing him going by. So at times he would hear his name in a not so pleasant conversation. Ezra considered it to be the main reason that the others hadn't looked for him. He knew that Hera had wanted to help liberate the galaxy as a whole. Not just Lothal. Everyone did. But he had been selfish. He had dragged everyone back.

And where had that landed him? Kanan almost dead and captured by the empire. The Death Star being completed with the money from the TIE defender.

He was hopeless.

He stopped walking for a second, taking a deep breath. He just wished he could feel something about all of that. Anger, sadness... happiness, anything! But no. Nothing. It was probably the reason why he felt the need to invite Luke. He was so eager and... lively. If he was with him he could atone for Ezra's...numbness?

He shook his head. He stopped before the guard of the cell unit.

"Can I go in? There's someone I need to speak with"

"I don't know kid" the guard was eyeing him carefully, obviously suspicious. "I doubt you have clearance"

"I do actually. My name is Ezra Bridger. You can check your files"

The guard pulled out the datapad. After a minute he paused.

" Are you...in Herasl Syndulla's crew?"

"Yes" Ezra replied, feeling like a liar even though he spoke the truth.

"Forgive me commander" he hurried to apologize unlocking the door. "I didn't recognize you. We thought you were..."

Ezra passed by before he could finish. Dead. They thought he was dead. He wasn't. Then why did he feel like he was?

Ezra walked down the holding unit and stopped in front of one of the cells. He hesitated a bit before typing in the code. The door hissed open and closed behind him when he walked in.
"Thrawn"