Through His Eyes

18

I cautiously sat down at the table.

I looked at my mother and prepared myself for the most life-threatening lecture my entire existence would witness.

I had no idea what to say to her - if I should say anything to her. Was I supposed to talk first or would she? It had only been 15 seconds but the snakes slithering around in my belly were getting out of hand.

I watched as she put the envelopes down on the table and pushed them aside. This woman really enjoyed taking her time.

My mother cleared her throat.

This was it. This was the moment I die.

"Nicole, relax. You look like you're about to pass out any second now."

I just might.

"You, uh, wanted to talk to me?" I said nervously and she nodded.

"I want to talk about Logan and the marriage," she said unfazed.

"What about them..?" I knew what she wanted to ask but somehow my response sounded uncertain.

"Firstly, what do you think about him?"

"I don't really know him."

"Fair point. Have you guys spoken at all about the marriage?" She asked me, looking straight into my eyes.

"We actually spoke about it this morning." I chuckled nervously. "We decided to take these next few months before the graduation to get to know each other."

"That's good."

I nibbled on my bottom lip. This was better than I anticipated but it was still awkward as hell.

"I suppose I should apologise for all this," she said looking away.

"If you were really sorry, Mom, this entire thing would be called off. Yet here we are." I blurted out that response and immediately regretted it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean-"

"No, it's okay. I deserve that," my mother said with a hint of hurt in her voice.

I sighed. This was the first time after my father's death, my mother exposed genuine emotion around me. I felt bad. I knew and she knew I had every right to be upset. But I should at least try to keep the peace.

"Do you know how old he is?" I asked her.

"24."

"And you're okay with that?" I scanned her face for any indication that she would want to call off the marriage. There was none.

"Yes," she bluntly said.

"That's 6 years, Mom. An entire 6 year age difference. Don't you think we wouldn't have much in common? What about conversations? Sure, right now it seems okay because all there is to talk about is the forced marriage and a bunch of other random facts about ourselves. But don't you think he would've wanted to meet someone around his age?" I slouched in my seat with a small huff.

"Can I tell you something?" she looked at me until I looked back at her.

I slightly nodded.

"He wouldn't want anyone else. Believe me when I tell you that," she said, trying really hard to prevent herself from smiling.

"But how could you be so sure, Mom?" I frowned.

"A mother just knows, Nicole."

"Yes but how?" I leaned forward and looked at her with pleading eyes.