A N G E L (Roger Daltrey)

Twenty Nine

Roger's POV

Heather stared at me in shock.

"M-marry you? I-I couldn't, not after all this, not after today, I-I have to go. And I mean that. I'm sorry, Roger, but you're not ready for any kind of commitment, and I don't think you ever will be."

She stepped around me and I heard the sound of the front door opening and shutting again.

I stayed in the kitchen floor for a while, still on my knees halfway under the table. A large part of me was relieved Heather had declined my proposal, but another, also large part of me needed her. I needed the fun, wild hedonism of being on the road and having groupies begging for me, but it was all fleeting, and I needed the comforting consistency Heather offered when I came back home.

But I could never have both. That was just a fact of life.

Eventually, I got up. I looked out the front door to find everyone gone. I was alone, and the house felt huge and empty. Throwing myself down on the couch and grabbing the phone, I called the only person who had the slightest chance of giving me comfort.

Janice's POV

There was a rare silence in the apartment. Beverly had gone out for the day, leaving the girls with one of her friends. Nancy decided she was going to write the next great American novel or something and had been propped up scribbling in a notebook for most of the day. 

I swirled my apron around in the kitchen sink, watching in disgusted fascination as all of the day's grime plumed off of it and into the water. Dumping a little soap into the concoction caused it to cloud over completely.

"Huh." I said to myself, scrubbing the fabric between my hands.

Most of our laundry was washed here in this sink or in the bathtub. That was the cheapest and most convenient way to get it done.

I was staring into the murky water trying to convince myself the color came from the dye leaching out of the apron and not from anything gross when the phone rang, slicing through the stillness and making me jump and almost splash dirt water all over the place.

I hurriedly dried my hands and grabbed the receiver.

"Hello?" I asked.

"Hello. Janice?" Came an unfamiliar voice.

"Yeah, that's me. May I ask who's speaking?" I furrowed my eyebrows.

The man on the line chuckled sort of sadly. "So much for never forgetting me, huh?"

"Roger..." I whispered.

"Yup."

"I didn't think you'd actually call, I thought you were done with me. I thought you didn't care about me anymore." I bit back tears, trying to swallow the lump in my throat.

"No, I'm not 'done with you' and I certainly care about you just as much now as ever. If not more! It's confusing, really, because of my relationship. But you're special to me and I hope you believe that. Are you okay?" He asked.

"Yes and no. I have a job and I'm working my tail off, but me and Nance are cramped up in this apartment with another girl and her two kids and we have the cat with us, so it's not the greatest thing. And Nancy can't even get out of bed on account of the baby—you didn't tell anyone did you?" I rambled.

The line was quiet for a second and my stomach dropped.

"Janice, listen. I didn't tell anybody. But I was reading your letter in the kitchen during a get-together. Everyone was asleep except for Keith who was in the loo, and when he came out, he sort of got ahold of it. I hit him, and when he fell, the letter went under the cooker. Heather caught me trying to get it out later and that's how she found out about everything. John overheard because he was still there and I didn't know it. He threatened to tell and I think I convinced him out of it, but who's to say?"

I took a deep breath and let it go, trying to collect myself.

"What. The fuck." I said evenly. "I give you one job to keep a piece of paper confidential, I trust you with sensitive information, and now not only you but everyone and his brother know about it! How could you have let this happen?"

"It's not that I let—" he began.

"Do you have any idea what this could do to Nancy?" I cut him off. "Our friendship is already in shambles compared to how it was because of this baby thing. I don't know if it'll ever be the same. She's facing pressure from every adult in both of our lives to get rid of it or give it up, she's on fucking bedrest because she's not healthy, and yet she's still not giving up. She loves that baby. If Keith finds out, he'll destroy her. And then she'll destroy me. It's my fault she's knocked up to begin with, it's my fault I felt safe enough blabbing to you about it. Please don't make it my fault she gets guilted into giving it up or freaks out so bad she miscarries. Please. I can't lose her. She's all I have." I braced my hands against the countertop and let out a sob.

"Jan?" She called from our room. "You alright out there?"

I focused and controlled my voice. "Yeah, man, I'm on the phone!"

"Who is it?" She asked.

"I'llllllll...tell you in a minute!" I returned. And then, to Roger, "do you hear that? She can't even come out here to see what's going on because of all this."

"I won't let Keith do anything." He said. "Even if John doesn't keep his word, I won't let him get ahold of her in any way. I know you can't, but I'm asking you to trust me on this."

"You're damn right I can't." I wavered.

"I know. I'm sorry I broke your trust, but if you'll let me make it up to you, I swear I will. You don't tell her, I don't tell her, Keith doesn't contact her. If she never knows, it's not a problem." He explained.

"Okay." I resigned. "I'll let you try. But believe me when I say this: if you fuck this one up, I'm never speaking to you again and I'm busting all my Who records half-in-two off the edge of the nearest bridge." I thought for a second before adding, "and I'll tell everyone that you have a little penis."

He gasped, caught off guard. "It is not little! It is very average."

I laughed in spite of myself. "Yeah, for a guy who's barely five-foot-six."

"You know what? I deserved that. But you won't have to pollute any rivers with vinyl or tell anyone anything about my penis because I won't let you down." He said earnestly.

"Okay. It's a deal. Stay in touch, will you? I'll keep you updated if you keep me updated. And I want us to be close like when we first met. I want to be in love again, all honeymoon-y and stuff. If you still want that with me. But it'll take time, and you have to be willing to put that time in." I said.

"I'd like that, I'll take all the time you need." He replied, and I could hear his grin. "You were in love?"

"Something like that." I smiled. "I'll talk to you later, Rog. Thanks for calling."

"Thanks for letting me."

I hung up and went into the bedroom.

"Who was it?" Nancy asked.

"Roger." And then I told her as much as I could, excluding anything that had to do with her.

By the time I had finished, it was completely dark outside and I heard the front door open, the sound of Bev and her kiddos filling the place with their chatter and giggles.

"Oh god, what's in the sink?!" Beverly shrieked, laughing.

"My apron!" I shouted, tearing into the kitchen.

"Now this is too important to miss!" Nancy slowly got out of bed and hobbled after me. "I'll pee while I'm up so that way it doesn't count."

And it truly was gnarly.