lonely heart - a discord story

chapter 4: diet mountain dew by lana del ray

no one knows what love is while they're young. it's quiet and encapsulating. it grabs hold of you out of nowhere and suddenly you're thinking this is it. it's you. i want you. only you. 

//

"you know what i just realised?" gwen asks smugly.

alex has his face cam on, relaxing in his black gaming chair with school tie half undone and white shirt sleeves pushed back to his forearms. he sits back and looks at his friend, who is leaning forwards, hands clasped under her chin. ready to spill secrets. the webcam doesn't pick it up, but she has a glint in her eye. a knowing one. gwen knows, better than alex himself apparently. of course she does; she's had to endure 3 hour calls of him gushing and drooling and fretting and agonizing over a scottish girl he's, quite frankly, infatuated with. more than.

"you're in love," gwen says matter-of-factly.

alex opens his mouth to protest but his eyes glaze over and he thinks. it would make sense, wouldn't it? why he's been feeling this way? he had a girlfriend back in year 7, sweet girl named millie. he's had a crush on two girls recently: ali and samara. none of them felt like this. like a bright light in his chest, like a swarm of bees in his belly. they didn't make him feel like a black fucking hole when he wasn't talking to them. he hadn't been this desperate to be close to them. to be liked by them, to gain their approval. yes, love. that seemed like the right word.

 "maybe..." he responds slowly. it elicits a squeal from gwen.

"alex this is your first love! that's so cute!"

alex's small smile turns into a huge grin. first love. that sounds nice.

"my first love..." he agrees. 

//

this new revelation threatens to spill out of him. the phone time reads 1:47 am and the stars outside his window twinkle. wind rattles against the window but the night is otherwise quiet. it's the type of night for small, sweet confessions. tiredness numbs his mind; threatens to unlock the door that keeps all the bad thoughts away. there's no time for that though. the red square appears on snapchat and he taps on it, revealing the pretty girl living in his brain. it's a picture of her face, overexposed with flash. her purple hair frames her face and falls onto the pillow. the caption is nothing but a smiley face. 

he takes a photo. half of his face, one bright blue eye visible and his brown curls askew from laying on them. he can feel all the things he wants to say bubbling at the surface. he almost doesn't resist.

you're so pretty you're the prettiest girl i've ever met i want to be with you i want to kiss you i don't care you're so far away i love you i'm in love with you

the clock turns 1:49am. a british boy is in love. he snaps his crush 'goodnight'. he turns over and imagines what it would be like to play with her hair.

he thinks.

do you think we'll be in love forever?