lonely heart - a discord story

chapter 3: the ending by hobo johnson

alex has a crush.

there.

he said it.

this girl has taken over his entire life. and he let her. gladly. 

//

"gwen she commented on my post."

"what'd she say?"

"big man alex, with a lot of exclamation marks."

silence.

"you know you've talked about her every day for the past month. every single time we call you mention her at least once. i've counted."

alex looks up from his phone and tilts his head, trying to think of a time when winnie wasn't on his mind. he can't. he's going to deny it anyway, because that's just what he does.

"no i haven't. you're lying."

"you are actually so annoying."

gwen thinks it's cute. she also thinks it's frustrating. alex admires winnie like one might admire a pretty painting. he stares from afar, wondering how anything like that could be in this world, careful not to touch at as if somehow his fingertips would ruin the entire thing. he's cautious. he doesn't think he deserves her. 

"gwen, do you think she might like me?"

gwen's heart aches.

"you gotta figure out yourself big man. tell her you like her."

"but i'm me."

"and?"

"she might not like me."

"if she didn't like you she wouldn't want to talk to you all the time."

"she might just be being nice gwen."

"alex."

"what should i reply to her comment?"

gwen sighs and helps alex craft the perfect reply. because she's a good friend, but not good enough to make alex see how good he is. 

//

2am turns to 3am turns to 4am turns to 5.

he's up, just thinking. and scrolling through tiktok. those relationship videos with the initials keep coming up on his for you page. they are stupid.

still, he looks for A and W in every single one. 

eventually, the letters turn up. 

A+W: be careful. this one may hurt. 

he scrolls past without hesitation. like he said, stupid. 

a discord notification pops up and his heart skips a beat.

hellogwen: why are you online bro go to sleep

it's not winnie, so he ignores it. he's been doing that a lot recently. not on purpose, it's just, nothing makes him as excited as she does. their calls are his highlight of the day. the nights are filled with numbness as he waits till the next day so he can hear her voice and smile again. 

he wonders if she feels the same. he wonders a lot of things about her.

like if scotland is as good as she says it is, and if maybe she would want him to visit her, and what would it be like to be in her house, in her room, what would they do in her room, would they watch movies or play games...

he also wonders a lot of things about himself.

mostly how someone like him is talking to someone like her. he's tall and skinny and awkward and she is basically everything good rolled into one girl. he's not enough. surely not. he can't be. he'll never be. 

look at him. look at her. 

alex and winnie. winnie and alex.

a tear rolls down his cheek and his breathing slows down, and eventually he falls asleep.