It was 2019. I had a bad mental breakdown, I don't remember why. I started hating myself for no reason. My self confidence dissapeared. I had mental breakdowns every night. It felt so bad, so I started cutting, punching and scratching myself. No one noticed it. Since then it started feeling like I'm living in a film. But not as a main character. It was more like "the hated side character". I always was a little and warmhearted person. But from this time on I got quiet and I started pushing other people away from me. Imagine a little girl with long blonde hairs crying herself to sleep every night. That's sad I know - but I didn't knew anything about life. I thought that there's something wrong with me. But I didn't knew what. A while later I started hearing voices. Not those voices from people. Voices in my head. And they weren't nice to me. They said stuff like "You're not enough", "no one likes you", "why can't you be as perfect as those other girls", "you're ugly", "you're a dissapointment". After that I lost all my self confidence. It was the worst time ever. I was a child. It was like hearing these things from your family. I lost myself. It felt like my head is going to explode. If I did something wrong, they got louder. They also started saying things like "you can't eat that, you're fat". But I wasn't fat. I was underweight. I couldn't gain weight. But these voices were so loud, so I stopped eating. Suddenly those voices dissappeard. I still hated myself. But I started laughing again. Until 2020-
YOU ARE READING
Lost all my controll - ready to die
Short Storyhii, I want to share my story with you. why? because many of you have the same problems as me. It may be helpful :D TW: eating disorder, suicide, selfharm, fears
