23 Attempts at Love

Chapter 2: The Betrayal

There's a local festival held not too far away from my house every year, and at the age of 16 in the summer following the Adam incident my parents had finally decided I was allowed to go. They were more than likely persuaded by my resistance to alcohol (I still hadn't got over that), that May and Alice would be there too, and that I liked a long sleep, so I probably wouldn't stay up that late and I definitely wouldn't be putting anything into my body which would put that at risk.

It was Peter's idea to organise a group trip from the swimming club, which is why I was going with May and Alice rather than my friends from school (who recoiled in horror at the thought of sleeping in a tent at first, but ultimately decided that if there were boys there... it was probably worth it). Our club had joined up with the local University team for training and practice on certain nights, so there were more people than ever now attending and various friends from all over the place around.

I was still smarting from Adam's rejection, so when I heard he had been invited by Peter and Josh I decided that I was absolutely not going to talk to him at all, that I'd tell him to fuck off if he came anywhere near me, and that I'd find someone new to flirt with in front of him at every opportunity.

Mike was from the University team, and he'd invited his younger brother Matt to come with us to the festival. Matt lived in Devon with his parents, and he was a year older than me. He had a chiselled jawline, spent hours in the gym working on his muscles, and we soon struck up a flirtatious conversation mid-afternoon while all the adults were drinking.

Of course I noticed Adam was there. I practically watched his every move: I knew what bar he'd gone to, who he was talking to, even what he was talking about if I was close enough. I couldn't quite shake this longing that he would turn round and tell me he missed me, but it had been months since he'd even texted me.

Matt, on the other hand, was more than attentive. He was never more than a metre or so away. When my favourite local band – the only one I knew – came on to play he lifted me onto his shoulders and I felt for the first time like I wasn't heavy or dumpy or too muscular to be one of those pretty, popular girls I was surrounded by at school who were wafer-thin and tall. I felt as light as air and for the first time since Adam, I felt giddy with happiness.

"So, what's happening there then?" Alice whispered, stealing a moment away with me in the toilets.

"What do you mean?" I replied coyly, before bursting into a fit of giggles. It was all over my face and she knew it.

"You should get his number!" She giggled back. "Do you think you could do long distance with him being in Devon?"

"Oh, I haven't even thought about it..." I smiled back, walking away back to our group.

Of course I'd thought about it. I'm a planner and I let my imagination get the best of me. As soon as I thought there may be even a little flirting on Matt's part I'd basically already tested out his surname with my first name to see if they'd be a good fit. We could do long-distance trips where he could visit Nottingham and I could visit Devon, and we'd both meet each other's parents and I'd basically be the daughter his parents never had. When he finished his A-Levels he could find a University closer to me, and then when I finished mine a year after I could go to the same place, and we could get a cute little flat together to study in and be completely in love.

Obviously, I'm being ridiculous. But this could work long-term. He'd be a great boyfriend. He's already being so much more attentive with me than Adam ever was. Suddenly I'm resenting Adam even more for all of the sly winks and brushed arms: it's like he was trying to hide me all this time. Matt doesn't care about people seeing that he likes me. Why should he? Matt is so much more mature.