A Spiral Of Love(18+)

THREE

SIDE NOTE:

Italic letters = Whenever you guys find a text in italic letters it means that it's a flashback.

Normal letter = When you see the normal letters it means that the story unrolling as we speak.

END OF SIDE NOTE

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"Hey, papa!" I was so excited to see him even though it had been only a day since I had seen him.

"Hey, my little angel! How has your day been?  Did you finish your homework?" anyone could understand from his voice how happy he was to see me as well.

"It has been good actually, I finished my homework three hours ago and Rosalia made a very delicious sandwich and gave me a piece of chocolate but don't tell mom!" I am a daddy's girl. I love my father to pieces he has always been my biggest role model and I hope to one day become like him even though I don't know what exactly he does. All he has told me is that he works in an office with a lot of powerful men. He is a sweet caring man who no matter how tired he comes back from the office he still plays with me, draws, or reads me one of my favorite stories. I might be young but I'm not stupid. I understand when he is so tired that he can barely keep his eyes open.

Whenever I tell him I hope to become like him one day he always tells me he doesn't wish that for me. He tells me that when I grow up he will tell me more specifically what he does but for now, all I needed to know was that: When I aged up I should make all my dreams come true and never let a man be the boss of me. That was one of the things I am determined to do to, make him proud because of my love for him.

However, my relationship with my mother is much different from my papa's. From the day I remember myself she has always been cold and distant from me. It almost makes me feel like she's my stepmother who hates me like Cinderella's one. In my whole life, I don't remember her not even once saying that she loved me or was proud of me. I always tried my best to excel in whatever she tasked me to do. She always wanted me to learn the violin and that's what I did. I practiced every day trying to play a well as humanly possible. I even learned how to play some of her favorite classical violin pieces one of which is:6 Vivaldi - The Four season, Concento No.2 "Summer". It was one of the hardest pieces I have ever memorized and it had taken me the most time as well.

The first time I tried to get her to listen to me play it she just chuckled and left the room. When papa came home and saw how upset I was over what had happened he went and confronted my mother. I don't know what he had told her but the next day she approached me and said "What was it that you wanted to play yesterday?" her words had startled me but I responded nonetheless.

" 6 Vivaldi- The four seasons, Concento No.2 "Summer", mother" when she heard what I had said you could see a hint of shock flash in her eyes but it disappeared as quickly as it appeared.

"Well then play it, however, I expect no mistakes to be made"

I was so excited to finally get her to listen to me playing. However, the main emotion that had overruled all the others was anxiety. I have always been a nervous kid but with my papa's guidance and some books  I've read, I've learned to control and handle panic attacks better.

The first time I had a panic attack I felt like I was paralyzed. It was like I was locked in a cage-which was my body- and couldn't move. I was trembling, sweating and for some time I thought I was dying. At some point, I was gasping for air as well. The worst part about was that it may have lasted for a few minutes before a maid had found me, but at that moment when you are experiencing it, it feels like you are in that state for eternity.

What had triggered it you may ask? My mother. I had been practicing the harp for ten hours straight. I hadn't eaten much except for the usual banana I ate in the morning. To say the least, I was exhausted. My stomach was throwing a fit making noises as to why I hadn't eaten, my fingers hurt so much that I could barely move them anymore. All that I had been able to consume during those hours was water.

Being in the state that I was I gather all the courage I had and asked for a little break so that I could go to the bathroom and maybe eat something.

When she heard my request, she was furious and started yelling at me, calling me names and so much more. She had said that breaks were for the weak and that If I didn't learn how to be tough now later would be too late. She also said that I would never make anyone proud and that I was a disgrace to this family
At some point, my body stopped listening to her words, I had difficulty breathing and started feeling dizzy.

The next thing I knew, I felt a sharp pain on my left cheek, my hair was pulled and my face got wet from tears that I didn't even know had formed. With that, my mother walked out and left me there without looking back....

Anyway, I decided to put my big girl pants on and got into position to start playing. I pushed all of my feelings in the back and started playing.

I closed my eyes and began playing. I had learned the piece by heart and it was like it was a part of me and I was just expressing my feelings.

I got so lost in the melody and the harmony of the music that I was playing that I completely forgot where I was and the fact that my mother was in front of me and was evaluating me.

I started opening my eyes slowly but steadily while trying to get them to adjust to the light as well. When my eyes reached my mother's face there was nothing to read. No expression. Absolutely nothing.

Instead of just standing there awkwardly and looking hopelessly in her eyes I turned around and started putting my violin away. Once I was done with that I turned around, lifted my chin and my shoulders, and stood there proudly. I did that with all the courage I could muster up from my tiny child's body.

I waited for 10 whole minutes for her to speak. At this point I had no idea what to expect. It felt like I was on foreign territory.

So you could understand my shock when a smirk formed on my mother's lips and she started clapping. I was in utter shock.

"Well maybe there is the slightest hope for you not to become an utter failure," she said almost impressed, and got up to leave.

As she was walking she stopped in her tracks, turned around, and said "Tomorrow in the evening we will have some guests, you will perform this to them".

My mother liking something I had done and telling that she wanted others to see it as well was something that hadn't happened ever before. I was starstruck.

I couldn't help but ask to whom was I going to perform. And what I heard my mother say was the thing that left me paralyzed.

"Oh just some candidates for the role of your future husband, who else would I show you to. Don't be silly Valencia, that is hardly acceptable for a nine-year-old like you"

I am nine years old. What is hardly acceptable is the fact that men are going to come here to evaluate me to decide if they want to marry me in the future.

All I wanted to do was run to my papa, get a big hug from him and beg him to not let mother do this... But I couldn't, he was miles away working and I couldn't talk to him.

And like that, I was alone left in my mother's claws for my future to be decided.

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