Fiction on Acid

A Pleasant Surprise

TW: DRUGS (mostly cocaine), SLIGHT NSFW

Pinkie Pie woke up to the morning sunlight seeping in through the window. She turned next to her, looking at her one true love, Eugene H. Krabs. He was the ideal man—a money whore, hawt, and had the most scrumptious munchalitious lethally thicc booty. And to top it all off, red crust that looked like he just came back from the Chernobyl disaster. Pinkie Pie was a radioactive scientist, and Eugene was a crab.

Attempting to get out of bed to start her morning, Pinkie Pie noticed the large amounts of something that looked a lot like extremely refined salt. "Oh em gee, Eugene, you didn't," she said, gasping.

Eugene smiled. "Just like you wanted."

Surrounding Pinkie Pie's bed was a vast amount of cocaine, just ready for her to sniff. "Yuh," she said. She could hardly contain her glee.

"Control yourself now," Eugene said

"Whatever, daddy," she responded. Nothing he said would stop her from indulging on the hardcore drugs in front of her. Pinkie Pie took her first few sniffs, and the euphoria hit her almost immediately. She had nearly forgotten this unmatched feeling.

Suddenly, someone knocked on the front door, interrupting Pinkie Pie's drug use. The couple jolted their heads toward the sound.

Eugene turned back toward Pinkie Pie. "You should've listened to me, kitten."

"Who is that?" Pinkie Pie asked Eugene.

"I'll deal with them, leave it to me, my love," Eugene responded in his sexy, slightly raspy voice. He made his way out of the room and toward the front door.

Like a damsel in distress, Pinkie Pie waited in the bedroom for Eugene to come back and report what was happening. And soon enough, he did.

"It's the police, they were warned about something concerning drug use," he said.

Pinkie Pie gasped. "Why would they ever think that?"

Eugene stared at her with empty eyes, and then looked back toward the drugs surrounding her. "I have no clue, babe."

"Me neither."

Eugene looked back toward the door, sighing. "I have the money, I can handle this alone. Plus, they can't come into the house without a warrant."

"What if they already have one?" Pinkie Pie asked, wary of the police.

Eugene grabbed Pinkie Pie by the shoulders and looked into her eyes intensely. "Then you need to hide them."

"You fucking himbo there is literally cocaine everywhere I cannot hide this shit."

Eugene smirked. "Then sniff it."

Returning the mischievous smile, Pinkie Pie replied, "Bet." She was immortal, so overdose was not possible for her. She was the ultimate drug intake machine.

And so, the second Eugene closed the door behind him, Pinkie Pie started snorting it all. She was a bad vacuum cleaner vroom vrooming bitch. The baddest, Pinkie Pie thought, remembering the words Eugene first ever spoke to her. He also called her a "rich bitch for his money-hungry sitch" but that part didn't matter.

The exhilaration of the drugs could have made Pinkie Pie pregnant. Maybe they did. Oh my god, she was going to have a baby! She was so happy that she snorted more cocaine.

Pinkie had just finished snorting all the white powder from the bed and floor when hubby Eugene came rushing back into the room. He mouthed to her "Did you finish?" and Pinkie Pie nodded in return.

He let out a sigh of relief before he noticed something on the end part of the bed. She had missed a spot. Without hesitation, he scooped up the small bit of drugs and shoved them up unholy places. He quickly returned to the front door, where Pinkie could hear at least two men talking amongst each other.

Soon enough, Pinkie Pie heard the car drive off, followed by Eugene's footsteps coming back toward her. "Turns out they didn't have a warrant. We're good for now."

She smiled, anxieties now alleviated.

Eugene must've noticed her tension release. "That doesn't mean they'll never come back, though," he said. "We will probably have to move all of our drugs—and soon."

Pinkie Pie was already high off the nightmarish amounts of cocaine that she did. She was kind of loopy and would have a hard time helping to move the rest of the drugs. Still, Eugene might let her take more drugs. She could only imagine the high she would experience.

Pinkie tugged on Eugene's sleeve. "Um..." she said, sheepishly. "Can I... have the bit of cocaine that you stuffed up your asshole?"

Eugene stared at her, wide-eyed. He giggled. "Of course, princess." He reached into the back of his pants. It took him a few seconds to navigate the powder, but eventually his hand came up with some of the white stuff on it—well, not completely white anymore. He held his hand out to her. "Just for you."

She smiled with glee. As quickly as possible, Pinkie Pie snorted the drugs from Eugene's fingers. That was all she needed. That was all she needed to power up, and now her drug-doing abilities had grown to the max.

Eugene gawked at her in amazement as she essentially sniffed out every drug hiding spot in the house. In truth, the krab had hidden all the goodness from Pinkie Pie in fear of what she could become. She was a blood-curdling, spine-chilling, a sash-ringing, a trash-singing, mash-flinging, a flash-springing, ringing, a crash-dinging drug crazy beast.

After smoking, sniffing, and shooting every drug available into her system, Pinkie Pie ran towards Eugene. She looked fondly into his eyes. "I suppose that I should give you the news now," she said, a slight frown pulling on her face.

"What is it, baby?" Eugene asked.

The frown turned into a forced smile, with tears running down Pinkie's face. "I'm pregnant."

Eugene pushed her and stepped back. "Are you serious?" he shouted. "You knew you were pregnant and yet you did all of those drugs? You know for a fact that those can be detrimental to your baby!"

Pinkie Pie peacefully walked toward Eugene and clasped his hands within hers. She looked up. "I'm going into labor now."

Immediately, Pinkie Pie dropped to the floor, yelling in pain. Eugene saw blood and goo drip onto the floor as his wife was speed running giving birth. Eugene rushed to help deliver the baby, but it was useless. The baby had already come fully out of the womb, crying. This woman... she was like a god.

Eugene noticed the tears running down Pinkie's face and went to comfort her. She motioned for him to lean down, and so he followed. She whispered in his ear, "Giving birth speedrun 100% RNG world record."

Pinkie Pie's and Eugene H. Krabs' child was born addicted to hardcore drugs. It whipped and nae naed and then it immediately died of drug overdose, as Pinkie Pie's immortality was not passed on to her child. The infant's first and last words were "oof," a remnant of what life it once had.

"That wasn't very pogchamp, dude," Eugene said.

The end.