Fire and Rain [🗸]

19. packing up and everything moments

EVERYONE'S PACKING UP.

The last day at Rhode Island hurts a bit, like it was bound to. 

Zahra's standing in front of the mirror, pulling on a sweatshirt. Given my feeling-related epiphany from WaterFire the other day, I'm pointedly trying to avoid looking at her. It's difficult, especially given that I finally seem to have started to come to terms with whatever it is my emotions are.

Zahra said that she's heading out to get a few things. Souvenirs, I'm guessing. Once she's done dressing, she calls out my name and I look up from my suitcase. "I'll be back." That half grin. Then she's gone, the door shutting closed behind her.

And when she's gone, I'm left completely alone with my thoughts, and the first thing I think of is how fucked I am. I've only really gotten close to Zahra again within the past few weeks, now this earthquake of feelings has come along, threatening to destroy the delicate bridge Zahra and I have just rebuilt.

When Zahra looks at me with those eyes, I can almost forget about everything that can go wrong, but when she's gone, the gravity of the situation crashes down on me.

So, I turn to the person who's been there consistently for the past couple of weeks, slipping my phone out of my pocket.

I text Myles my answer to his question from before. To answer your question from earlier, she does make me feel, and now I don't know what to do about it. 

Myles hasn't seen my message yet, so I slip my phone back into my pocket. Myles is a busy college student with a boyfriend and a summer job (which he had mentioned earlier) to juggle. I might have to figure shit out without him for now.

After packing my luggage and sitting down on my suitcase for a couple of minutes, I end up pacing around the house. I eventually wander over to Elliot and Josiah's room, knocking on the door.

"Come in," it's Josiah's voice, and I make my way into the space. Once I do, I notice it's only Josiah. The room's neat which I can absolutely credit to Josiah, and there's sunlight pouring in from the half-opened window.

"Where is everyone?" I ask, wandering into the space. 

"Well," Josiah says, "Elliot's baking with Sadie and Ronya. Wanted to make some stuff for us to pack on our way to Philly, and Azul is probably sleeping. Zahra told me she was heading out, so that's everyone."

Josiah looks up at me, shifting over in the bed he's sitting on to make room for me. I settle down next to him.

Setting the whole feelings situation aside, I glance over at Josiah. "Nothing new on the inventory for today?"

He gives me an unimpressed face and I exhale a laugh. "But seriously, how're you doing?"

He pauses for a moment before nodding. "Good. You know, my back is still hurting from carrying this whole friendship but it is what is is." His lips twitch. "Nothing new."