Fire and Rain [🗸]

23. city hall and huge feelings

green🍃port 👆gang 👹

12:37 AM

jojo(siah)🙂🌈:  where the fuck is everybody?

jojo(siah)🙂🌈: we were supposed to regroup at 10 pm last night

jojo(siah)🙂🌈: i hope none of you got kidnapped  😕

wu(nderbar) !🥶 : josiah and i are alive 

wu(nderbar) !🥶 : we got brownies ! we're in a bakery and the manager was nice so she let us stay even tho it closed at midnight 

sad(ie) 🌸: we too are alive

sad(ie) 🌸: the winner of the cheap shopping spree competition is tbd🙏

azula 🔥: translation: sadie simply doesn't want to admit i won

sad(ie) 🌸: imagine being loud and wrong

z(ahhh)ra: good to know that no one has perished !

Zahra looks up at me when she sends the message. We're at one of those 24 hours convenience stores, Zahra seated across from me in a booth. She looks up at me once she's sent the message, and a laugh leaves my lips as my gaze drifts back up to her.

She's here, I'm here. We haven't fulfilled our dream of running away to the carnival, but we both exist, and that's okay. 

I didn't realize how much I felt nonexistent—at my parents' house, at school for all of those years, that day in the church parking lot—until I felt like I was alive. Like now, when I feel like I am a real breathing creature, not a dream, not a distraction.

Existing in peace is difficult. I still haven't mastered the art of doing so. 

Zahra kicks my foot from underneath the table. I offer her a half-grin. Being in a convenience store that's right outside of a gas station at midnight feels classical, like an aesthetic or an antique shop.

The groupchat is still going off. It's been running for several years strong. It's a disaster, perfectly us. 

Can we stay here forever? I remember Zahra saying this just hours ago. I can still see it in her eyes. She's glowing like she's right here in the moment, like she meant every word, whether we're by a lake or eating hotdogs next to a carnival or in the Mystery Machine knockoff van or simply existing around each other.