Fire and Rain [🗸]

27. braids and homecomings

THE DAY WE HEAD BACK TO GREENPORT, I braid my hair.

Throughout most of the trip, I've braided my hair twin braids or cornrows, or let it fly free. Today, I've opted with six braids, my curls parted into six sections. Hair cuffs decorate each of the braids, and they fall just past my shoulders.

My elbows rest against the wooden dresser of our hotel. I use a small brush to press my baby curls against my forehead. Sometimes, feeling pretty is a sort of defiance. Fake it 'till you make it. 

When I take in my reflection, I try and whisper assurances to myself. The entire trip has really accumulated to this day. Despite the fact that we'd stopped by Greenport earlier on, that layover almost fucked me up completely.

It was this cold reminder of everything about Greenport that tears me apart, and now I'm going back, facing all that shit once more. Zahra's helped me stay grounded; a reminder that gravity exists, and the world keeps spinning.

I squeeze my fists together before unclenching them. The day feels difficult already, and I knew that it was going to be. 

Oil works its way into my hair, giving it a glimmer. I offer what wants to be a smile to my reflection. She returns it, albeit hesitantly.

"You smell like coconuts."

Zahra's nose buries into my hair, taking exaggerated sniffs. Laughs tumble out of my lips and I push her away. "Fuck off. I spent an hour on this."

"Swearing? Damn."

She grins. I can see her doing so in our reflection. Zahra's grins always spread across her face like a secret, teasing and faint. Her nose leaves my hair, but her arms wrap around me and I let them do so, holding them in place as her fingers touch my waist. 

Touch. Touch is another thing that reminds me that gravity exists. Specifically, Zahra's touch is a good reminder that the world keeps spinning. My world isn't shattered. Lightness fills my chest, but it doesn't erase the anxiety.

Several missed calls and the summer winding down are unforgettable facts in the forefront of my mind. I lightly bang my head against Zahra's chest. 

Greenport lies ahead. 

I don't have to face it. Zahra's told me this over and over again. But Greenport isn't disappearing anytime soon. From there, college will start up again in the fall. I won't even get to blink before my life is set in motion again, moving too fast for me to keep up.

There's a knock on our door. 

Zahra pulls away from me and yells at whoever is standing out there to come in. Josiah leads the group, hands slid into the pockets of his jeans, eyes a battlefield of bittersweet. I get it. Greenport is the definition of bittersweet, the place that fucks you over and wipes away your tears all at once.