The Diary of Me

november 21, 2021

i sit in my living room, wondering how we got to this. i just texted you how i wished you were dead. i don't know why.
sometimes i get so full of emotions that they spill over, they consume me and i'm left blinded, only being able to see once the damage is done. only being able to see the damage done. i don't know why i texted you that i wish you were dead.
you've always called me selfish, told me i only care about myself. said i was entitled and a brat. i've been taking care of myself since i was 13, since i wanted to die and realized you didn't care. i don't know why you hate me, but i often feel you wish i was dead.
i'm having my own family now. my son has scared my multiple times already, but of course you know this. i spent last night in the hospital after bleeding, thankfully your grandson is okay. i'm still bleeding, i'm still crying from the fear. i don't know why you hate me, but i will never hate him.
you asked me to take care of your responsibilities today. i said no because they aren't safe for me and my unborn child. you called me selfish. told me i'm a bad daughter. you said i now need to figure my life out if all i'm going to do is think about myself. i'm not thinking about myself, i'm thinking about my son. i'm thinking of my fiancée who just got news his family friend has died, how our pet is now showing signs of sickness and can't get better. i'm thinking of the family i have now, and how nobody thought of me when i needed it.
i know why i told you i wish you were dead.