Two Gays Decapitate and Defenestrate Ratatouille

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by ThatsEponine

by ThatsEponine

There once was a tall boy named Montparnasse. He had a boyfriend named Jehan. He liked to do things for Jehan.

The best day of Montparnasse's life was when he brought a basket of food to Jehan. When Jehan saw the basket, they jumped six feet in the air. Inside the basket, there was a large rodent named Ratatouille. The rodent was decapitated and bleeding all over the basket. Jehan screamed, and began to cry. Montparnasse gently picked up the rodent and threw it at Jehan. Jehan immediately passed away, but then came back to life and summoned a demon from the underworld to kill Montparnasse. Montparnasse quickly ran away. Days passed, and Jehan didn't forgive Montparnasse. Montparnasse felt like shit. He cried all week. Jehan cried all month. Montparnasse tried to apologise to Jehan, but they were crying too loud to hear him. Finally, Montparnasse decided to throw flowers at Jehan's house. The demon that Jehan summoned decided to give them a flower. Jehan liked the flower a lot. Montparnasse was really jealous of the demon. Montparnasse broke the window to get Jehan out of their house. Montparnasse felt their eyes on him. Jehan was very sad. They hadn't gotten out of bed. Montparnasse sent a large rodent named Ratatouille to comfort them, but then Montparnasse threw Ratatouille out the window and said, "I am mad at you for scaring Jehan." Then, Montparnasse went over to Jehan and gave them a top hat. Jehan was happier than they had been in a while. After the incident, they went on a picnic date and had a lot of fun. Then they climbed a tree and kissed. They walked through the flower garden and held flowers. After, they went to bed and slept.

In the morning, they made pancakes and ate them with butter and syrup and went back to bed. They talked together for hours about their problems. Jehan gave Montparnasse a warning not to throw Ratatouille at them again. Montparnasse told Jehan he loved them. Then, they had lunch. Jehan cooked ramen for them to eat. Jehan loves to eat ramen with Montparnasse. Courfeyrac and Combeferre popped in to say hello, and then left. Montparnasse left, met up with Ratatouille and killed him. He then went home.

Montparnasse told Jehan that they were going on a vacation to Greece. Jehan was very happy about this. They got on a plane with Montparnasse and went to Greece. In Greece, they went to the market to buy bread. That night, they went to the festival of gays, and wore fuzzy coats. At the festival, they decided to go on a ferris wheel. While they were on the ferris wheel, they took a picture. After the ride on the ferris wheel, they went to the food area and bought churros. They had a blast at the gay festival. After the festival, they went back to the hotel and went to bed and slept. In the middle of the night, Montparnasse found a large child named Gavroche and a small man named Courfeyrac and a tall man named Combeferre. Montparnasse was mad at them for being there. He kicked them out. Montparnasse went back to bed and gently woke up Jehan and whispered into their ear and gently caressed their face. Jehan looked at Montparnasse and looked confused by why he was doing this. After, they had a pillow fight. They laughed all night, and then they went back to sleep. In the morning, they flew back to France and went home. When they got home, they planted a garden to remember the ghost of Ratatouille. Jehan loved Montparnasse. They were soulmates. They got a cat and a bird and named them Quaxo and Brad. Then they got married and had a little girl with raven hair. Her brother, whose eyes were green, loved her very much. Jehan loved Montparnasse very, very, very, very much. They shared everything with each other. They both loved each of their children just the same: very, very, very, very much. Brad and Quaxo loved each other very, very, very, very much. They lived in a green house with a lot of plants. Courfeyrac, Combeferre and Gavroche visited them all of the time, but Montparnasse kicked them out just as frequently. Jehan and Montparnasse made a lot of pancakes for the children every morning, just like they used to do.

The end.

big tHANK (one singular thank) TO hkyrayzor FOR SITTING OUTSIDE WITH ME IN THE FREEZING COLD FOR HOURS AND COMING UP WITH THIS!!!! disclaimer: yes. we know this written horribly- it was completely intentional.