Harry Potter One-Shots!

Chamber of secrets parody.

Harry: Aunt can I have some chicken?

Aunt: Fine

Harry: :D YAAAAAAÆAAAÅAAAY

Uncle: What time is it dudlles

Dudly the fat ass pig: 5:50

Uncle: 5:50! THE RICH PEPS ARE COMIN! HARRY! GET TO THE CHOPPA! (aka his room cause this is Harry potter he deserves better than a cupboard.)

Harry's campin out in his room when

A freakin house elf appears in harrys room.

Dobby: Harry Potter Must not go to Hoggywarts, He will...

Harry: WHAT THE FUDGE ARE U DOIN IN MY ROOM! IMMA WHOOP YOUR ASS UNTIL YOU GET YOUR FLABBY EARS OUTA MY ROOM!

Dobby: If u do dat imma throw this pudding into your fathers buds silk beard.

Harry:No u wouldnt

Dobby: Watch me (throws the pudding into the guests face and dissapears.)

So harry thinks hes doomed cause he cant go back to school, but only the harry potter cast can mess this up totally.and they do cause the Weasley's flying car turns up and rescuse's him.

Ron: Wassup bro. Were gonna hang in the burrow until we can go to Hogwarts.

Harry: Sweet

But what we wanna know is what happenes at Hogwarts!

Ron and Harry cant get through the barrier so they fly a flying car and crash into da whomping willow.

*In the office of Snape the Ape whose hair is greasy as Pancakes.*

Snape: YOU WERE SEEN BY 7 MUGGLES YOU FLIPPIN IDIOTS!

Harry: We dont give a shit.

Mcgon: Your not expelled but get detention.

Harry & Ron: BOOM! SHAME GREASY APE!

Dumble: Get down to the feast brothers,the feasts nearly over.

At The feast

Dumble: Here are the passwords

Griffindor's is: At Least we have noses Voldemort

Slytherin's is: Bob

Hufflepuff's is: Sparkly Vampiers

Ravenclaws is: Ravenclaw

Now get to bed.

Harry finds out that Gildroy Lockheart is teaching DADA (Defense

Against the Dark Arts)

Harry: SHIIIIIĪIIIIĮT

Then Harry,Ron and Hermione go sign up for duelling club.

Lockheart: Hellooooo, Today we are going to demenstrate disarming and blocking spells. Long Nose Snape is going to help me.

Snape: >:> Imma stuff u up.

Lockheart: Very well.Now Im going to send a spell at Snivellus here, and he will block it. Ok, 1 2 3. EXPELLIANUS!

Snape: Protego.

*Lockheart gets totally caned*

Lockheart: Harry and Draco, come have a little duel.

Draco: Your gonna cry for yo mamma so badly she... Oh wait, you dont have one!

Harry: Im going to kill you for dat.