AU Sans Oneshots

Undertale!Sans X Reader X Underfell!Sans

Requested by someone I can't find it :(

---- Break Time -----

You were on your way home after re-up for some Maryjane. You've been trying to help Sans and Fell get into better and more natural substances to cope with instead of drinking ketchup and mustard and smoking cigarettes. 

You come home and see them doing what you asked them not to do many times. They both were drinking and Fell was smoking. You sigh and slam the door behind you causing both skeletons to jump up from the couch. They look over and see the fire in your eyes. They both look at each other and nod. They hurriedly clean up the bottles and clean out the ashtray before looking to your previous spot to find you gone. They both gulp out of nervousness seeing you not there. 

They finally find you in your room doing something they couldn't put their phalanges on. You were sitting at your desk equally separating your bags, half to sell and the other half for personal use. You see your two skeleton boyfriends standing in your doorway like two curious little kids. You sigh and finish what you're doing then put the stuff away before taking out what you needed to roll a blunt. You grab the grinder, the roller, the {f/frp} {favorite flavored rolling paper}, and lastly a lighter. You roll it and lick the sides of it as you're staring at the two which causes them to shudder. 

You walk out then make your way to the patio and tell the two boys to sit. "So, when I came home today why the fuck were there bottles of ketchup and mustard all over the living room? And why the fuck were you smoking in my fucking house?" They both cower away then Fell decided he wanted to speak up. "W-well Dollface-" 

"You don't have the privilege of calling me that until I get the answer I'm looking for. So... tell me why, Sans?" Sans looks like his soul left his body. He knows that you only call on him when you don't want to hear Fell's bullshit. "You see, we agreed on making this the last day, and in Fell's words it's a 'fuck it all' kinda day. So, we were gonna clean up before you got home but... you got home earlier than we were expecting." You were glaring daggers at Fell as he tried to hide away in his jacket. 

"Ooooooooo what am I going to do with you two? Sans and Fell we've talked about this... so many times. Sans you can't keep following along with Fell's plans whenever I'm not there to mediate it or because you felt like it. You have to start taking control of your actions and start thinking of the consequences. Fell you have to start respecting me and the rules I set in place because those too have consequences. I really want to work things out with you guys, so this is the last chance I'm giving you. Today I'm having you guys try something natural. I like to call it the chill pill." 

They both didn't like the name of it since they both loath taking medicine especially when they're sick. "What is it exactly?" 

"Well, I'm so glad you asked. It is a more natural and somewhat healthier option for smoking. I want you guys to meet my dear old friend, Maryjane."

"I've got three different packages, and they all come in different forms. The three I bought are Sativa, Indica, and then a mixture of the two. The difference between them is that when mixed they have the properties to calm you down but to keep you awake and in a settled manner. Indica has the energizing effect of getting your 'head high' as for Sativa which is more 'body high' since it's got calming properties. Today we'll be smoking the mixed one since I'm saving these for you guys for a later day. So, you'll be getting a head and body buzz going on."

They both were hesitant to try this since they both don't like new things. They watched you light the blunt and then suck in a puff then blow it out making o's in the process. To say the least, they were quite impressed with your ability. Fell tried to take it from you but you just simply swatted his hand away and handed the joint to Sans. 

"You get to go last 'Mr. Fuck it.' Sans hold it between your thumb and your pointer then create a small opening so as you suck that you're able to get smoke into your well non-existent lungs. But I should warn you to take small hits unless you want to cough up a lung. Figuratively I mean." They both gave you a 'really' look then Sans decided to hit it. He takes a small one and then proceeds to hit it once more but takes a bigger hit. 

"I should probably tell you this, but I used to be a stoner back Underground, but it was monster weed and not human weed." You nod but then proceed to ask, "What's the difference?" He blows out the smoke and responds, "Magic." You roll your eyes and motion Sans to pass the joint over to Fell.

Fell inspects it before taking a puff and then he just sighs. You notice that Fell just went for the most prominent hit possible. "I should also tell ya Dollface, I was and still am a stoner. I've got a high tolerance to magic weed but I never once before had normal stuff... This shit ain't so bad."

You sigh finally getting to them about their bad habits. Time to start a newer and possibly a healthier one so you don't find shit all over the house like you used to. The blunt was passed around till there was nothing but the end left which you saved for later use.

You got up and went inside to chill in your room, but the boys had different plans. "Hey Sweetheart... Can we... smoke once more?" You turn around amused and surprised. You nod your head and roll another. You hand them the blunt and tell them to share. You walk off to go and get ready for bed. 

After a nice shower and your normal routine consisting of brushing your teeth and whatnot you see the two skeletons still sitting on your bed looking into space. You chuckle and ask, "You guys having a blast?" They slowly turn their heads and nod with slight blushes whether it's from being high as fuck or just seeing you in their intoxicated state. 

They both like you, anyone could tell even you, but you didn't want to hurt either, so you kept to yourself. 

They both are unsure whether it was a good time to confess but they felt the need to. They also had some courage they pulled out of their nonexistent asses. They both look at each other, nod and then grab each of your hands in one of theirs. You blush madly unsure what was happening. "We both really like you (Y/n). Please tell us you feel the same..." You giggle lightly in bewilderment and embarrassment. You nod and pull the two skeletons towards you in a tight embrace. Both skeletons loved being in said embrace. You all cuddled on the bed for the rest of the night watching tv and talking about random shit. You also made food for the three of you since you all had munchies.