The Jeremy Gilbert Diaries Continued

3.29

"Everything alright?" Kol asked me as I ran my fingers over an old drawing of mine. I didn't remember drawing it. I didn't remember drawing any of the sketches from before I moved.

"No," I muttered. I was so tired of feeling like this. Like there was some huge hole in my life. Like my life was nothing before it was this. And this feels like nothing.

Kol took the book away from me gently. "What's on your mind?" He asked, curious but concerned.

I grit my teeth. "I'm tired of this, Kol."

He looked scared for a second. "Tired of what? Me?"

"No, no, not you. Everything but you."

He relaxed. "Okay..."

I pressed my lips together, trying to find the words. "I'm tired of feeling like... I don't know anything. I don't remember anything from Mystic Falls and it drives me insane."

Kol grabbed my hand, squeezing it. He opened his mouth but hesitated.

"What?" I pried.

"Jeremy..." He said seriously. "I'm going to tell you something, and it's going to sound a little crazy, but you have to believe me."

I blinked at him. "Okay. Yeah. Of course. I trust you."

He took a breath. "I'm a vampire."

I froze. Then laughed. "You're a what?"

He placed his hand on my cheek. "I'm not kidding. And you used to know that I was, because we've met before. But vampires have the ability to erase the minds of mortals and... well, one erased yours."

Silence washed over me. Somehow... I believed what he was saying. It seemed to... make sense. I think it was the part of my brain deep down that knew this was true telling me to listen.

"We've met before?" I asked gently.

"Yes." Said Kol. "I saved you from my brother. You wanted me to turn you into a vampire. I said no, obviously. Then Damon came and took you away again."

"Damon?" I asked.

Kol cocked his head. "You don't remember Damon?"

I shook my head no.

"Maybe that's for the best."

"No, no it's not. I don't want this! I want the truth!"

"I can't reverse the compulsion put on you. But I can tell you what I know."

I dug my fingers into his hair and kissed him. "Talk."

And so he did, and I listened like he was telling me all the secrets of the universe. Which he kind of was, I suppose. Vampires, witches, werewolves. Klaus Mikaelson, Stefan and Damon Salvatore, Katherine Pierce, my sister. The stories. The secrets. The drama.

"I need to go back." Was the first thing I said when he finished.

He squeezed my hand. "No. You need to stay here and be away from it. Your life is so much better here, Jer."

"But it's not my life."

"It can be. You've made friends. Your host family loves you. You're safe. You're good at school. You play sports. You're doing so well for yourself. Don't throw that away for something you never needed to be a part of in the first place that is only a risk to your life."

What he was saying made sense. I just didn't want it to. Was it really fair to myself to pretend this is my life, when it's not?

"You were miserable," Kol told me, "all the time. You hated every second of your life. I assume that's why they sent you away in the first place. Trust me, you owe yourself this. Aren't you happy here?"

I hadn't really thought about like that before. "I... I guess I am."

He ran his hand over my hair and kissed me gently, speaking his next words softly. "Then stay. Stay here with me."

That made me wonder if he needed me to stay for his own sake more than mine. But either way, I felt in my gut that he was right and I should listen.

I'm happy. I have Kol. I have friends. I'm getting good grades. I'm fine.

Something still just feels wrong.

I don't know what to do.

Forever Yours, (Faithfully)

Jeremy Gilbert

•••

[A/N] I had a random burst of inspiration for this so maybe I'll get a few little chapters out... thank you so much to everyone who is still reading, I appreciate every single one of you.

Much love,

Chantivera 🖤