I guess now that you've moved and you're far away from me
you start texting me that you don't want me anymore-
that you don't want to be friends with me when I thought we were best friends
and that no
s
p
a
c
e
would tear our friendship apart
are you done telling me that you hate me?
that you don't want to be best friends anymore?
are you done hurting me?
you told me that you never trusted me-
that you never really loved me-
that you never really wanted me-
you told me to forget it all and throw it away
but that's easy for you to say.
you've left everything behind-
but what about me?
i let you in but now you're gonna leave me with my pages all open and shown to you?
are you leaving me because i'm a
c
r
a
c
k
e
d
egg?
you tell me i'm not enough-
that i'm too naive and too sweet-
that i put my friends before myself
and that you never wanted to be with me in the beginning, now that you think about it.
the other day,
when i asked you to pass a message to your old bestie,
did you even?
and now,
that you're gone-
that you've left the place you've always hated-
do you have to throw it all away?-
to ask me to throw it all away?
everything?
how could i?
how can i?
i've scrolled back to the messages you sent me telling me all your hateful thoughts about me-
do you really mean all that?
and why,
why would you erase the messages that i saw and read?
my love-
i'm sorry if i wasn't enough.
i'm sorry if i wasn't the person you wanted-
but you've hurt me now-
all the words you threw in your anger-
because i bet you never knew that it would hurt me this much
because i have never had a best friend like you-
because i have never had so much that i learned from you-
but to throw it all away?
how could you?
because you're gone-
because you've left it all away-
it doesn't mean you can tell me that and it won't hurt at all.
did you ever love me?
i guess not-
and i guess you're right-
i'm too naive, too gullible, too loving-
but you've messed it up for me now,
i don't know who to trust, who to let in, what to do.
so many questions-
so many thoughts-
so many memories-
my heart's shattered and i don't think you know that or care.
but if you ever answer my text that i have left for you-
i want you to answer,
is this what love feels like?
___________________________________________
Footnotes
"There will never be another"
- Listening to "Another" by Francis Karel
10.19.21
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When the Night falls | A collective of poems
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